Why are you still here?
by susan19
Summary: It's three years post-chosen. Everyone has left Buffy behind, except for Faith. Neither of them understands why Faith has stuck around as long as she has. Will they figure it out? Will something evil show up and ruin everything?
1. Chapter 1

Faith's POV

"Why are you still here?"

"Huh?" I look up from my bowl of cereal, to find her glaring at me from the doorway of the kitchen. I didn't even notice she was there. I wonder how long she's been watching me.

"Why are you still here? Everyone else is gone. So why haven't you left too?" Her tone is harsh and unpleasant. It makes me want to get the hell away from her as soon as possible. I won't let her know that though, she can't see how much her words hurt me.

She does have a good question. Why am I still here? I look at her closely for the first time in a while, and I remember at least one reason why. She looks like shit. Her hair is a complete mess, and her eyes are red like maybe she's been crying. She's pushed everyone else away with her bitchiness. I just can't seem to abandon her too, no matter how much it hurts me to stay, no matter how much she wants me to. Instead of rising to her challenge I just shrug. "Got nowhere else to go."

I don't even know why she cares if I'm here or not, we almost never see each other. We'll sometimes cross paths in the morning. I usually try to make sure I'm gone before she gets up, but I was daydreaming this morning and she snuck up on me.

"You need to find somewhere else to go. I don't want you here." Her hands on her hips, scowling at me. It might be possible to take her seriously if she didn't look so weak and pathetic.

I resist laughing at her, that will only make things worse. I don't want to fight. "I'll start looking for another place after work." Even though the council supports us, I need to keep busy, so I found a job. I look into her eyes to gauge her response, she's brought this up many times before, this is the first time I agreed to it. Not that I had any plans of actually leaving, but I just didn't want to argue about it. I see a brief flicker of fear, and then it turns back to the angry scowl she carries around most of the day.

"Fine." She scoffs and turns away in a flash. I hear her leave the house and slam the door on her way out.

"What the fuck!?" I whisper once I'm fairly sure she's out of earshot.

It's been three years since we destroyed the Hellmouth and Sunnydale with it. Since then things in the world of Buffy have really turned to shit. Even though we came together for that final battle, she never could forgive us for the mutiny. She especially never forgave Giles, directly told him to fuck off as soon as we were clear of danger. Can't say I blame her really. We should never have treated her that way, and I've never forgiven myself for not standing up for her. At the time though, it seemed to make sense to everyone.

There were now thousands of slayers in the world. Considering how hard it was for her to cooperate with just one new slayer, it's not too surprising she completely lost her shit when there were thousands. A lot of them moved to a compound in Cleveland where they train and fight evil together. Willow and Giles formed a new council with some others, and they train all the baby slayers. New ones are being called since the spell, once they get old enough. Now when there is an apocalypse, they have an army of slayers to call on. Sometimes they ask me to check something out if it's local. But mostly they don't need either of us anymore. I haven't stopped to think about how I feel about all that, I mostly just try to keep busy and take care of B as best I can.

I've thought about going to live with them lots of times. It would probably be a lot better for me than staying here. Whenever I visit, everyone is super cool to me. Some of it might just be sympathy, since they know I'm dealing with B. None of the new slayers know what she was like before, they don't know what she's been through. Even though she hates me and doesn't mind telling everyone how I'm an evil murderer, I just can't bring myself to leave her all alone.

They really don't know the whole story of why she hates me so much. I wonder if she even really understands why she hates me. I know I did some terrible things, a lot of it wasn't directly to her though. Sleeping with Riley was a pretty fucked up thing that I did do to her. Looking back on it now, I can't believe that I did that. Though I also never understood how she could have been with that guy, he was so clean-cut and boring.

Maybe I figured she was always disappointed in me and I wanted to live down to her expectations. She wanted me to be just like her, always doing good and making the right choices. She had no idea what it was like for me before I was called. My life was never anything she could relate to. I'm not trying to make excuses for the choices I made back then, I know I fucked everything up. I'm just done letting it drag me down. Though maybe that's not true since I'm here. Thinking about all the mistakes I've made, living with someone who hates me.

Sighing I clean up after my breakfast and the dishes she couldn't be bothered to clean up after herself last night. She doesn't seem to do anything, doesn't work, doesn't go to school, doesn't have any friends. She doesn't even fight vampires anymore. Besides the few words she occasionally growls at me, she probably doesn't speak to another person, ever.

I know she was wicked depressed after being brought back to life, but this seems even worse than that. It sounded like she was just withdrawn then, but she wasn't mean to everyone, she didn't completely close herself off. I wasn't there though, I don't know for sure how hard things were for her then. Yet another of my long list of regrets.

I keep in touch with Willow and Dawn, and we've talked about it a few times. They just don't seem to have the energy to deal with her shit anymore. They've got plenty going on in their own lives, so I don't blame them. It's not that they didn't try, they did. They just couldn't get anything out of her. Any attempt to talk to her was met with angry, harsh words. She always seemed to know the right thing to say to push them away.

I can't help but flashback to that day. The day we ganged up on her and kicked her out of her own damned house. Who does that? Assholes, that's who. The only one who always supported her was Spike. It blows my mind that those two hooked up. Makes me wonder if I know anything about her at all.

I hear the door slam again and her clomping up the stairs. It sounds like she's in my room, throwing things around. "Again. I ask... What the fuck?" Nobody answers my question, maybe it's time to have this out. I run up the stairs to find her throwing my stuff into plastic bags. I say nothing as I watch her, leaning against the door jam. She's furious and breaking everything that is possible to break as she crams stuff into the bags. The most recent bag tears as she shoves a picture frame into it. She falls to the ground screaming and crying.

I want to go to her. I want her to let me, but I know that she won't.

"B?"

"What!?" She turns to me, crying stopped, venom and hatred frozen to her face. Eyes bright red and her face is puffy.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do." I stand calmly, arms folded over my chest.

"You're supposed to leave me alone like I've asked you to hundreds of times." I don't bother trying to point out that I said I was going to leave. We both know it wasn't true.

"I... can't." I stumble over the words.

"Why not!?" She stands screaming at me, her fists clenched at her sides.

"Because, Fuck you, that's why not!" Ok, why the hell did I say that? Having her scream at me, after breaking all my shit enrages me. I'm yelling back now, though I instantly regret it. As much as I know she wants to fight, I really don't. She's been awful to be around, I still can't bring myself to actually want to hurt her.

"Fuck me?" I almost laugh at the shocked look on her face, and how odd it sounds hearing her swear.

"That's right, I'm sick of your shit. What is your problem?" I take a step into the room, trying to contain myself, and not let all the emotions I've been holding in all this time fall out of me in a rage.

"My... problem... " For a moment she looks down, a sad and confused expression on her face. I wait, hoping she'll say more. She locks eyes with me and scowls. She rushes towards me, I think at first to attack. But she just brushes me aside and runs into her room. Slamming the door, of course, as she lets out an inarticulate roar. I roll my eyes at her tantrum and look at the mess of my room.

I should be heading to work right now. But can I leave her alone after all this? It's not like I actually need to work. I stand outside her door, listening. The silence is deafening. She must have gone out the window, I'd be able to at least hear her breathing if she was still in there.

"Guess I'm taking my first sick day." I should probably stop talking to myself…

Sighing I return to my room to change into something better suited for chasing crazed slayers around town. My normal semi-casual work outfit probably won't do great if we get into the woods, plus this red vest isn't the best look.

It's a small town, but I don't have any idea where she might go. I consider bringing a weapon with me but decide against it. It looks like she might have raided her weapons chest, but it's a little hard to tell for sure since her room always looks like a disaster. I guess I'm counting on her fighting fair. Hopefully, that doesn't turn out to be a mistake.

The town is bordered by steep mountains on one side and dense woods on the others. There's only one road out of town, it's possible she would have hitched a ride and could be long gone. But I kinda doubt it. It's not like she has anywhere to go.

Exiting the house, I go around back to see if I can pick up her trail. I see where she landed in a bush and crashed through the fence behind the house. So now I know she either wants me to follow her, or she's completely lost her mind. Even a baby slayer wouldn't cause this much damage if she didn't want to. Either way, at least I have a trail to follow.

Hopefully, by the time I've found her, I'll have figured out what the hell I'm going to do. I quickly follow her path of destruction, leading me towards the mountains. I love these mountains, I spend as much time as I can out here. I love the smell of the trees and the sounds of the animals. Growing up a city girl I never knew how awesome the woods could be. I didn't think she had ever come near them. Though I guess I have no idea what she does during the day, while I'm at work.

Her trail of destruction starts to head up a steep hill. It is getting a bit harder to follow her now since there are fewer things to damage. Mostly she's just tearing up the ground under her feet. I get to a clearing where there is no visible sign of where she might have gone next. I used to be able to sense her, but ever since the spell to activate all the potentials, I don't seem to be able to anymore. It makes me sad that we've lost that connection. I tried to talk to her about it a few times, but she wouldn't answer me if it was the same for her.

I pause in the center of the clearing and listen, hoping to hear any sign of which direction she might have gone in. There are no sounds whatsoever, a little too late, I realize what that must mean. I'm hit with a flying kick to my back. I sprawl to the ground, skinning my knees and hands on the rocks. I get to my feet as quickly as possible, turning to face her.

"You bitch! Why are you following me?" She asks, with a terrifying gleam in her eye. She stands in fighting position, fists raised and clenched.

I do my best to stay composed, shocked that she attacked me from behind and then swore at me. "Who said I was following you? I come out here all the time." I brush the dirt casually out of my wounds, without taking my eyes off of her. I see she has a knife tucked into her belt. A knife that I am suddenly not at all surprised that she still has.

She growls and launches herself at me. Punching chaotically and furiously, I block as many blows as I can. Not willing to return her attack. Her attacks, while still very dangerous, are not at full speed or strength. I don't know if she's trying to lure me in, or if she doesn't really want to hurt me. Deciding it's time to find out which, I let her hit me. She strikes me solidly on the cheek with a right hook. I lean with it and let it knock me to the ground.

I see a look of shock register on her face, she knows she didn't hit me hard enough to knock me down. I make no move to get up. "What are you doing!? Get up and fight me!"

"Don't wanna."

She pulls the knife from her belt. "Why not? Afraid of what happened last time?"

I can't help myself this time, I laugh. Which was maybe not such a good idea. She leaps on top of me. Her knee landing on my stomach and briefly knocking the wind out of me. It takes me a moment to recover my breath. She continues to grind her knee into my stomach, and she's holding the blade to my throat.

"I should just kill you. Maybe that's the only way I can get you to leave me alone!" Her eyes are dark and filled with fury, baring her teeth at me. Pressing the cold knife into my throat, she hasn't broken the skin yet, but she's close. I briefly wonder if that knife has been used since she stabbed me with it. Does it still have my blood on it?

"Maybe you should. You hate me so much, just do it. Then you can be completely alone." Staring into her eyes I spit my words back at her, trying not to show any fear. Only returning her anger with my own. I'm not sure if I mean it or not. I don't want to die, but I don't want to keep living like this either.

Her brow furrows, "Why are you still here!?" She screams at me, digging her knee into my stomach. Grunting against the pain, I smile up at her.

"Do you think we should get a puppy?"

"Wha.." I feel her rock back a little in her confusion. I take the opportunity to pull her hand with the knife away from my throat and throw her off of me. The knife drops from her hand, and I grab it, pinning her to the ground. My knee digging into her stomach the same way.

"Is this what you want? Is this what this is all about? You want to die?" I hold the knife to her cheek, wanting to see her eyes as she thinks about the question. What I see there terrifies me. She's staring at me vacantly, there's no fear or anger there, she's just empty. "Damn, B." I stand up and back away, she doesn't move.

"I should be dead." Her voice is barely a whisper.

I think I know how she feels. From the moment I was called, I knew I might die every day. But I kept on not dying. I kept on getting back up, just like she did. I found my purpose in trying to redeem myself for the awful shit I did. She doesn't have that. All the things that might have given her purpose are gone now. The weight of the world is no longer on her shoulders, and she doesn't know how to handle it. I don't know how I could have missed this. I spent so much time trying to be here for her, and I didn't even take the time to think about what her problem really was. I just thought she was just being a jealous, spiteful bitch. I should have known better, she could never be that.

I sit down on the ground a few feet away from her. Digging in the dirt with the knife, trying to figure out what to do now. I have no idea what she needs. It might be better if she were around more people, but there are no people left. She burned all her bridges, burned them and then spat on them. Even her sister gave up on her. Would they listen now? Could I even explain it to them? Is there anything they could do for her?

Is there any way for her to forget what we did to her? Forget what it felt like to be betrayed by those that were supposed to love her? Should she even forgive is us? She was completely right after all. She sacrificed her life to save Dawn, and even she couldn't be bothered to support her sister. Maybe we don't deserve her in our lives. But it's killing her to keep hating everyone.

Tears start to fall, I can't help myself. Ever since I've known that she existed, I looked up to her. Despite all the awful shit I said and did to her, despite how much I pretended that I didn't want to be like her, she was my hero. And I totally let her down. The tears fall more freely, and I start to sob.

"Why are you crying?" She actually sounds curious and not freakishly angry, like I expected her to.

"I screwed so many things up. Can't ever seem to do the right thing, even when I'm trying to."

She continues to lay there, staring up at the clouds. "Why are you still here?" It's almost a whisper, all the venom gone from her question. It makes me wish I could give her an answer that would make everything better. Hell, any answer that made any kind of sense would do. "And don't try to tell me you have nowhere else to go. I know they want you to move up to the slayer compound."

"I can't..." I can't think of what to say, that's what I can't. In times like this, it would be handy to have had some healthy relationships. Then I might know how you're supposed to act around people you care about. A little shocked to admit I actually care about her, I've never admitted that about anyone, not even to myself. How can I care about someone who hates me so much and treats me like shit?

She finally sits up, her anger returned. "Can't what Faith? Can't stand to be away from me, even for a second?!" Staring at me. "Do you think if you stay by my side, somehow that will make you better? Like you can redeem all the evil shit you've done by following me around?" I cringe and shrink away from her furious gaze and words. Having her look at me like that still hurts, even after all this time. I hear her gasp a little, and I turn to look at her. "I've been so unfair to you." She whispers and looks back down.

"What?" I'm surprised at her words, not because they aren't true, but because I can't believe she's realized it. "Oh." I understand what happened now. I let my guard down, she finally found a way inside. I reacted to her angry words, and she saw it. She saw that I was afraid of her, even if it was only for a second. Before this moment I would never react to her nastiness. I'd just let her think I deserved it, maybe I even thought that I did. I sigh, thinking about how we got here.

This was just a small town that we were passing through on our way out of the crater that is now Sunnydale. Most everyone wanted to keep moving, but Buffy wanted to stay. She never said she wanted any of us to stay with her, but a few of us did. Dawn, Xander, Robin and a couple of the new slayers. The slayers didn't stick around long though. Once the new council was formed and the slayer compound setup, they headed up there right away. Robin left not too long after he was fully recovered. There wasn't enough evil to fight in this town, and I made it clear that I couldn't leave, and that I wouldn't be enough of a reason for him to stay.

Dawn and Xander left about 3 months ago. Dawn got accepted at a big time university on the other side of the country and Xander went with her. Buffy insisted that he should go with her to keep her safe. Not that it took much insisting. By that time the only things she said to anyone was to say something bitchy. She never lifted a finger to help out around the house but was always ready to complain about the mess. Nothing was ever good enough for her.

She never directly brought up the day we betrayed her. She never threw the harsh words that we said back in our faces, but I'm pretty sure that's where it all came from. She didn't trust anyone to have her back. Who can blame her?

Once it was just the two of us, we actually had a couple of decent nights. She asked me questions about my past. I was so surprised that I actually answered her with the truth. I told her about my mother. My drunk of a mother who I still loved no matter what she said or did. If I had known she would use it against me every chance she could since then, I never would have opened my damned mouth.

I didn't even realize what she was doing until this moment. She had been toying with me, pretending to be nice one day and then a monster the next. I never let her get to me though, it wasn't the same as when my mother did it. Buffy wasn't quite as good at being mean as my mother, and I wasn't a little kid anymore. I could handle her verbal warfare, I wouldn't let her push me to leave. Eventually, I did get sick of all the ups and downs though, so I just focused on staying out of the house as much as possible.

I let her get to me this time though, I let it show that I was an actual person with feelings. Seeing how she just reacted, I wonder now if she even knew what she was doing. What would she have been trying to accomplish anyway? Just driving me away? She could have just left herself, though I probably would have followed her.

How can we move forward from this? She's been torturing me, whether on purpose or not, and we both just realized it. Plus there's the whole thing where she wants to die.

We sit in silence for a while. Maybe a long while, it's starting to get dark.

"I'm sorry." Buffy sighs, frowning as she looks down at her hands. "I don't know what my problem is."

"It's not just that you're a monstrous bitch?" I reply, clearly joking.

"I'm sure that isn't helping." She smiles back at me. The smile doesn't reach her eyes, but I have hope that something is happening now. Like maybe she's finally trying to actually come back to life.

"Believe it or not, I might know what your problem is." I pause, waiting for her typical bitchy response. I can't look at her as I speak. I only stare at the knife as I dig into the ground with it.

"You were the one girl in all the world. Then I came around, and that was hard enough to deal with. Now there are thousands of you's running around. But they don't have any idea what it was like to be the one girl. Everyone always looking to you for answers, the weight of the world on your shoulders. I don't really know either, but I at least have an idea." I sigh, afraid of what will happen when I say this next part. "For that brief time that I was in charge. I had a tiny taste of what you must have felt every day since you were called. I only made one decision, and it was the wrong one. You told me you could have just as easily fallen for that trap, but I doubt it." I'm surprised when she still says nothing, so I keep going "What are we supposed to do now? Nobody actually needs either of us anymore. Nobody expects us to have any answers or make any decisions. I know it's not the same for me as it is for you. I never had to deal with any the shit you did. Nobody ever expected anything from me, except maybe to fuck everything up. Hell, most of the time I was in a coma or in jail."

"I had no idea you could babble." Her voice is soft, and there might be the start of a smile forming on her face.

"Hey! I don't babble!" I look over at her with surprise at her lighthearted joke.

She laughs, the sound of her laughter seems to electrify the air. I realize I might not have ever heard her laugh like that.

"I don't think you've said that much to me in the past year."

"Probably not. You haven't exactly been easy to talk to." I see her wince slightly at my words and I regret them. I'll have to find a way to stop bringing up the bad things in our history if anything is going to get better.

She's staring at me now like she's never seen me before. I think maybe she hasn't ever really taken the time to think about me. The silence is starting to make me uncomfortable, but I'm not sure what else to say. I can't tell if what I said makes sense to her or not, it seems to have changed something for her.

"Why are you still here? I've been awful, you have no reason to stay. No reason to keep putting up with my insanity."

I only shrug, I still have no answer. Even though there have been a few times I briefly considered leaving, I know I never would have. I don't know why it just feels like this is where I belong.

"I guess there is no slayer retirement plan." She frowns staring off at the trees. Seeming to accept my lack of an answer.

"You don't have to actually retire, there is plenty you could still do."

"There's one thing you left out of your babble-fest. One major difference between me and you. I was never happy about being the slayer. This is never what I wanted."

I look at her thoughtfully, I could never understand why she felt that way. Who wouldn't want to be super powered? But then I never felt the burden of responsibility that she did. "You could go back to school. Find something normal to do. I'm sure the council will pay for it."

Her eyes brighten. Had that really never occurred to her? She had always said she wanted to go to school and be normal. Has she been so wrapped up in her misery that she forgot about that? What has she been thinking about these past few years? Just being miserable, not even trying to think of ways to make things better?

"I can't." Her eyes cloud over again as she frowns.

"Why not?"

"Because…."

I look over to her, waiting to see if she'll finish.

"I'm afraid." B, afraid? I feel my mouth drop open in shock.

"Afraid of what?"

"What if I can't do anything else? What if the only thing I'm good for is killing demons?"

"You can't be serious." How has she lost all her self-confidence? That was never a problem for her before. She never showed any sign of doubt in herself, whether it was demon killing or anything else in her life.

"I feel pretty serious." She pouts, and I want to laugh at how silly she's being, but I don't. I know she has real pain that she needs to work through. I wonder when I became so mature.

"Wasn't school going pretty well before you had to leave to take care of Dawn? Why would it be any different now? Plus, you won't be having to deal with an endless stream of monsters interrupting your studies."

"I guess."

"It can't possibly be worse than these past few years have been, can it? Besides if anyone picks on you I'll come kick their ass. Maybe I'll even take some classes with you."

She looks up at me, eyebrows raised in surprise. "You're going to stay with me? After how awful I've been?" I can't tell by her reaction if she's upset or not, I guess neutral is better than angry.

"Sorry, B. You're stuck with me." I smile and stand up, reaching out my hand. "Come on, let's go home. That is unless you still want me to kill you." I look into her eyes, glad to see that some light had returned. I really think she's ready to try living again.

"Wait… You'd take classes with me.. But.."

"Dawn helped me get my GED." I want to point out that we had a party and everything, she was there, sulking in the corner. I don't want to undo any progress we might have made by bringing it up.

"Oh, that's really great." As annoyed as I am that she doesn't remember, I can see her genuine happiness for me.

She slowly reaches up and accepts my offered hand. We walk home in silence. I know it's not going to be this easy. She's been trapped in misery for a long time, it will take more than a few conversations for her to figure out how to be a person again. I think we're at least finally heading in a good direction.

Once we get home, I grab a beer and sit down on the couch. She sits down next to me. I'm surprised but try not to react. I don't think she's sat with me on the couch in all the time we've lived here. Even when she was pretending not to hate me.

"Faith?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you really want to get a puppy?"

I choke on my mouthful of beer, a little comes out of my nose. "I was just kidding, but come to think of it, they say pets are good for retired old ladies."

Laughing she smacks me with a pillow.

I can't believe how amazing it is to hear her laugh.

I really need to sort out my feelings. Am I just letting her take advantage of me? Do I even know how to have a normal friendship with someone? I could have been doing something productive these past 3 years. Helping to train the baby slayers, fighting evil, not being treated like shit. Instead, I stayed here with her, doing nothing. Working a menial job just to keep busy.

It makes no sense that I've stuck by her all this time. We were never friends, never even close. She even tried to kill me, she was ready to feed me to a freaking vampire. I don't know why she didn't, she could have stopped me from escaping that night. I wouldn't have been able to stop her if she had come after me again. Instead, she decided to let me go and risk her own life to save Angel. Something she would never have had to do if I hadn't made so many mistakes.

Why the fuck am I still here?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N - Even though it's 3 years post-chosen it's 2017 for a reason which will be obvious in a second.

Buffy's POV

"Do you wanna go see Wonder Woman with me tonight?" Faith comes bounding down the stairs calling out to me.

"Haven't you already seen that?" I look up from the magazine I was idly flipping through to watch her practically bouncing around the room. I can feel a smile creep into my face as I watch her. It still feels strange every time I smile, it has been so long. I feel like it's someone else using my face when it happens. It always returns to a frown as soon as I realize I'm smiling. I practice forcing myself to smile, just to try to get used to again.

"Twice!"

I can't help but shake my head at how gleeful she is right now. "Sure, ok."

"I'll set it up." I watch as she skips out of the room.

Seeing her so happy makes me feel even worse about how awful I've treated her. It's been three weeks since I had my freak out and tried to get her to kill me. I feel like a switch has been flipped in my brain. The past three years are a complete blur, I feel like it wasn't even me. Though I know that it was. I know it's not something I can just get over. I'm trying though, trying to focus on the good parts of life again. Things have been a lot better for both of us, but now I realize how much I was hurting her before. I've apologized countless times, and she always seems to accept my forgiveness, but I still feel terrible.

I still don't understand why she stuck by me all this time. I'm pretty positive I wouldn't have done the same for her. I definitely wouldn't have been as nice about it if I had. I haven't asked her again why she's stayed since that night, I'm worried now that if I press her, she'll finally come to her senses and leave. The only thing I can think to do now is to keep trying to make it up to her.

I know she wants me to figure out how to forgive everyone else. I just don't know where to start. They ganged up on me, kicked me out of my own house, they made me doubt everything about myself. It might seem conceited, but I was the Slayer. I **was** better than they were, and my judgment was right. They never even tried to apologize for betraying me. They never even acknowledged they were wrong. I was able to bury my feelings so we could destroy the first, but once it was over, I just couldn't contain my anger and hurt.

I'm not sure I can ever forgive Giles. His betrayal hurts worse than any other. It wasn't just that once either. He abandoned me, even after knowing I had been torn out of heaven. Then he tried to kill Spike, the only person who had always supported me. The only one I was able to trust, if it weren't for him, I never would have gotten the Scythe. Spike even sacrificed himself to save the world. Giles never even once said he was wrong for trying to take him away from me, never.

I know she's right that I can't keep dwelling on it. I'm ready to stop actively hating them. I never really blamed Faith when they turned on me, I know she didn't want to be in charge. I just blamed her for everything else that was wrong in my life. I know now how completely unfair that was. She was so alone when she first came to Sunnydale, as much as I told myself that I tried to be her friend, it wasn't true. I never took the time to think about why I never gave her a real chance. Seeing what she's become, makes me deeply regret the choices I've made.

I'm trying now though, trying to be a better person, trying to pay more attention to Faith and think about all she's done for me. I'm not sure we're going to be best friends and start braiding each other's hair, but I'll never take my anger out on her again. We spend a lot more time together now, she always asks me to patrol or train, but I'm not ready for that. She doesn't push, just always lets me know that she wants me to. I am constantly amazed at her. She's far smarter and kinder than I ever gave her credit for.

If I had been able to see who she was when we first met, so many things in our lives could have been better. I've tried to talk to her about it, but she tells me we just need to move forward, that she probably would have just pushed me away even if I had done things differently. There's no way to know which small things led to us being here. I'm not always sure where we are now is good, but we are both alive - so that's something.

"What's so great about this movie anyway?" I ask as we walk over to the theater. The only transportation we had was her motorcycle, and I wasn't about to get on that thing. She didn't even suggest it, I frown as I remember all the terrible things I've said about her and her bike.

"It's awesome to see a super-powered chick kicking ass on the big screen. Plus, the outfits. Makes me wish we had thought of wearing costumes to fight vampires."

"I'm not sure I could have pulled off wearing something so revealing."

"You're kidding right?"

"What?"

"Please, you know you're wicked hot." She leers at me, and I feel warmth reach my cheeks. I roll my eyes, trying to hide the affect her comment had on me.

I can't help but smile. I never thought I'd enjoy having the carefree and flirty Faith back. For a brief time when we first met, things were pretty great. I thought I'd found someone who understood me, someone, that I could share everything with. Then things fell apart, like as apart as things can fall. We both made a lot of mistakes, and I regret not being able to forgive her for hers. Or accept that I made my own mistakes. I have now though, it took me way too long to figure out that she wasn't evil and everything wasn't her fault. Once I did that, I realized how much it weighed me down to carry that hate around.

Wait, she said " _you're wicked hot_ ," as in the present tense. My cheeks are definitely bright red now, I hope she can't see under the mild evening light. I push her flirty words away as we enter the theater.

I can't remember the last time I went to see a movie. The theater sure wasn't like this. Instead of normal theater seats, there are a bunch of couches and pillows. She picks a couch, and we sit down. I curl against the arm of it, folding my legs under me and settle in. I guess if nothing else I'm going to be comfy for the next two hours.

After a stream of ads and previews, the movie finally starts. I don't know much about Wonder Woman, but I'm pretty instantly blown away. Sure the action scenes are kinda over the top, but it's in a fun way. It's almost believable that this actress knows what she's doing and could actually kick all these people's asses. Suddenly, I get a weird feeling, and I look over at Faith to see she's staring at me. A big goofy grin on her face.

"What?" I mouth to her. She just shakes her head and keeps smiling before returning her attention to the screen.

The movie ends, and I'm amazed, the positive message really affected me for some reason. I had sometimes thought that humans weren't really worth saving, they're always trying to find new and creative ways to kill each other. Especially when I was attacked by that trio of idiots. I never understood how humans could be so evil. Diana's message of love and sacrifice meant a lot to me, making me realize that it didn't matter that humans were always trying to hurt each other. I had the power to keep them safe, and I should use it. I knew I wasn't ready to start using it again, but it did change the way I thought about my powers, powers that I always considered to be a burden.

We exit the theatre and start heading home. I'm completely lost in my thoughts until I become aware that Faith is holding my hand. Which startles me, and I hear that she's been talking, possibly this whole time. I look down at our hands and remember how touchy feely she was when we first met. I never really thought much of it at the time, it just seemed so natural. Only when things got bad between us did I start to resist her constant contact. Now, I don't know what to think. It feels different.

"Are you ok?" Faith stops walking and turns to look at me.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine. Just.." Just what? Just caught up feeling like an idiot for how I've been acting all this time?

She doesn't seem concerned over my inability to form a sentence. She only smiles and tugs on my hand, pulling me slightly closer. "I know you always say no, but do you wanna go on patrol with me tonight?"

"I don't know.. I haven't been training. I'm not sure what good I'd be." She still hasn't let go of my hand. I start to wonder if it's getting sweaty if she can feel that I'm nervous. Then I start to wonder why I'm nervous, which makes me more nervous. I can't seem to meet her eyes, even though I know she's looking at mine.

"I'm not worried, there's almost never anything to fight anyway. I'm just a little amped up after seeing the movie, thought it'd be worth checking if any vamps wandered into town."

"Ok sure." I finally look up, her smile is so bright, dimples showing. I can't help but smile in return.

She starts walking again, and I move with her, we get to the edge of town and enter the woods. I haven't gone on any patrols since we came here, I don't know the area at all. I know she does though. I often feel guilty about abandoning my duty to keep the world safe, but it sounds like there isn't much I could have been helping with around here anyway. At least that's what she tells me. She could be lying to make me feel better. I don't think she'd lead me into anything too dangerous.

We walk a short way into the woods, and she lets go of my hand, I feel an odd sense of loss when she does. She pauses for a second, and I wonder if she felt it too. No, I think she is just listening, attempting to sense if anything is lurking in the woods. I frown a little, not sure why I'm disappointed.

She leads me through the woods for several minutes and then stops. I'm not paying attention, and I crash into her. "Sorry," I mumble, she doesn't even seem to have noticed. She must sense something up ahead. I can't sense anything at all.

"Stay here." She whispers and silently moves forward. She quickly disappears into the trees ahead.

I really am completely worthless. I should have just gone home. Suddenly, I hear noises in the distance. She must have found something, I hear the sound of something hitting the ground and then silence. Nervous now, I creep forward slowly. I still can't see or sense anything strange. "Faith?" I call out quietly.

"Over here." I follow her voice and find her sitting on the ground, holding her head.

"What happened?" I move her hand to examine the wound, but I don't see any sign of a bruise.

"Damn vamps, I got one of em, but the other managed to hit me from behind and run off."

I'm shocked, how could she not take out two simple vampires? I help her to stand. "Do you want to chase after the other one?"

"Nah, I'm feeling kinda woozy. I'll get him tomorrow." I can't believe how weak she looks. What the hell is going on? "Guess I'm kinda rusty." She tries to play off what just happened, but maybe it's more than just being rusty. I want to ask her more questions, but I don't even know what to ask.

"Ok, let's head home then." I'm still holding her up, and she doesn't seem to be ready for me to let go, so we walk off slowly together. I have my arm around her waist, and her's is over my shoulder. It doesn't seem like she's putting much of her weight on me though. The areas where our bodies contact are tingling. Can she feel this too? What is happening to me?

We walk much slower than we probably need to. I should just talk to her. Not talking has led us to so many bad things. "Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"What's going on?'

"What do you mean?" She stammers in response, a very un-Faith like thing to do.

"Are you actually hurt?"

I feel her body stiffen as I ask this. "No... not actually." She starts to pull away, but I hold on to her side, keeping her from getting away.

"Were there even any vampires?"

She looks down and sighs. "No.. no vampires."

"Ok."

"Ok? What do you mean ok?"

"I don't know what I mean."

"Ok."

Well, that went well. Everything makes so much sense now that we talked about it. Except, of course, nothing makes sense.

"Were you trying to lure me into wanting to start training again?"

"I... um.. Yes?" She grins at me, her words completely unconvincing.

"Now you decide to start trying to lie?" I laugh and poke her ribs a little with the hand I have still wrapped around her waist. She giggles and tries to move away, but I don't let her escape. "You never were a very good liar."

"Hey! No fair!"

"Mmm... ticklish?" I tickle her more and laugh as she squirms, finally managing to break free. I'm surprised when she takes off running. We're not too far from home, and I chase after her. I catch up to her as she's trying to open the front door. I'm out of breath, partly from running, but also from laughing so hard.

I wait until she's unlocked the door and I start after her again. She runs into the kitchen, and I chase her around the island. "What's the matter Faith, why are you running away?"

"Tickling isn't fair!"

"Tell me why you faked a vampire attack and I won't tickle you again. Maybe.."

"Maybe!" She shouts as if she's upset, but her eyes are bright, and her dimples are showing again.

"Probably?" I offer as a slightly better option to maybe. I see her eyeing the exit to the kitchen, gauging whether or not she can get to it before I can get to her. I wait until she starts to dart for it and I launch myself over the island. Easily catching up to her before she can escape. She had started to turn before reaching the door, looking to see if I was going to catch her. I was unexpectedly close because of my amazing leap over the counter. I collided with her and crashed us both into the door and knocking it and ourselves to the ground.

"Did you just jump over the counter?"

"Apparently." I'm laying on top of her now. Our bodies pressed together in a not at all unpleasant way. She's looking up at me, a strange look of confusion on her face. "Are you ok? Or is your fake head trauma making you weak?"

"That depends. Are you going to tickle me again?"

"Are you going to tell me why you made up a vampire attack?" I lean back on my heels a little, putting my hands near her sides. Not making contact, but the threat is there.

She looks at my hands nervously. "I uh..."

I move my hands a little closer, and her eyes widen. I was so confident that I didn't notice what she was doing with her hands, which was to see if I was ticklish. It turns out, I'm not. That doesn't mean her hands on my sides didn't have an effect on me. I quickly moved my hands away and stand up, trying to understand the strange sensations I'm feeling.

"Aha." She shouts triumphantly as she stands up herself and backs away.

We stare at each other for a few moments, breathing heavily. "You broke the door." I don't know what else to say. I don't understand anything that's happened tonight. I'm not sure she does either.

"I broke the door?" She replies incredulously. "You're the one who crashed into me!"

"If you weren't trying to get away, I wouldn't have crashed into you."

"That's some interesting logic." She smiles at me, I can't seem to take my eyes off her dimples. Before today I had forgotten she even had them. It had been so long since I noticed her smile.

"Truce?" I see a brief flicker of disappointment cross her face as she nods her agreement. She reaches down to lift the door up and examine the damage.

"Looks like I broke these hinges." She emphasizes the I and smirks at me.

"You are kind of off your game tonight. Between all the vampires you didn't fight and the head wounds you didn't get, it's a wonder you didn't break the door in half."

She sticks her tongue out at me. I feel heat starting to rise in my cheeks. Am I blushing? What the hell is going on? "Well, I'll just leave you to fix this door you broke."

"Gee, thanks." She either doesn't notice or decides not to comment on the redness I am sure is clear on my cheeks. I walk past her to head upstairs.

"Faith?"

She turns from her work to look at me.

"Thanks for taking me out tonight. It was.. Fun."

"Anytime, B." Her voice is low and husky. Sending shivers through my body, shivers I don't think I concealed very well. I feel something shift inside me, something I don't understand at all.

I quickly enter my room and lean my back against the door. Trying to slow my breathing and calm myself down. I must have been standing there for several minutes. I heard a light knock on my door.

"Yeah?" I answer without opening the door, hoping I don't sound as weird as I feel.

"I won't be able to fix the door tonight. Need some parts from the store."

"Ok. Good night." I turn my head, putting my ear to the door.

"Good night." I don't hear that she's moved. She's standing just outside my door, there is a faint noise, and I realize she has her hand on the door and she's running her fingertips down it slowly. I put my forehead to the door and close my eyes. After a few more moments I hear her sigh and walk away.

I sigh myself and slide to the ground. She enters her room and closes the door. I'm not sure how long I sit there. My mind is frantically going over tonight's events, trying to make sense of any of it. Why did she fake a vampire attack? Why did I chase after her and find myself lost on her dimples? Why did it feel so amazing to touch her? Is this the same as what happened with Spike? Have I been closed off for so long, that I just want to feel something? That doesn't seem right. I've been feeling plenty this whole time, mostly a lot of anger and resentment.

Overall, it was a pretty amazing night, even if it was very confusing. I can't remember the last time I laughed so much. It felt incredible to be out tonight, to enjoy another person's company. It occurred to me that I wasn't sure how Faith was spending her nights. When we first met, she always made a big deal about how sexual she was. I never really knew if any of that was real, but if it was... What has she been doing all this time?

I'm sure she hasn't brought anyone home since we've lived here, not that that was proof of anything. I didn't pay attention to what happened between her and Robin. I vaguely remember them fighting, and him leaving. It's not any of my business. Right? Why am I even thinking about this? Replaying all the conversations we've had recently, remembering what it felt like when she held my hand, when my arm was wrapped around her and our bodies were pressed together.

Did she stick around all this time because she has feelings for me? How can that be? She never said anything, though I guess how could she. Most of the time we've known each other I've enjoyed telling her how much I hated her and thought she was evil. Am I still be unfair to her? Making her think there could ever be something between us? Could there be something between us? Am I just being a self-involved bitch again? This is crazy. I don't even know if I'm right.

After everything she's done for me, I won't hurt her. I need to figure out what I'm feeling, and she can tell me what she's feeling. I finally stand up, pleased with myself for coming to some kind of decision. I groan as my entire body screams at me as I stand up. This is when I notice sunlight pouring through the window. I sat crouched against the door all night, and now my body was furious with me. When did I get so old?


	3. Chapter 3

Buffy's POV

I approach her door, listening carefully. I can hear her moving around in there, so I knock. She doesn't answer. I knock again. "Faith?" Still nothing, I know she's in there, so I open the door. I'm surprised to find her stuffing clothes into a bag.

"What are you doing?"

"Gonna go stay with the baby slayers for a little while." She answers without turning to look at me. Her voice is calm. "I'll call someone to fix the door."

"Why?" This can't be happening, why is she leaving now? Things are finally going so well between us.

"Cause you can't fix it yourself?" I'm not amused at her ignoring the question she knows I'm really asking.

"No, I mean why are you suddenly running off?"

"Not running off, Willow asked me to come up." Her voice is flat and emotionless.

I frown, folding my arms across my chest and leaning against the door. "Can we talk before you go?"

"Nothing to talk about." She still won't look at me.

"Ok, maybe you can just listen then."

She shrugs non-committedly, still packing things into her bag. Making sure to keep her face turned away from me as she does.

"I'm a complete ass." She pauses what she's doing, but keeps her head down. I enter her room and start pacing in a circle. "I'm not going to claim to know what happened last night. Or to think I have any idea why you've done any of the things you've done for me these past few years." Though her packing to leave makes me pretty sure that I'm probably right. "I'll just tell you that I think it meant something to me. Well, I know it meant something, I'm just trying to make sure I know what it meant." I pause to look over at her. She's stopped packing, but she still won't make eye contact. "I'm sorry, maybe I read this all wrong."

I turn to leave but quickly change my mind. "No, I won't let you leave like this. You've stuck with me this whole time. Staying with me even though I was a completely awful to you. Maybe neither of us understands what we're feeling, but I do know last night was the most fun I can remember having. It might have been the most fun I ever had." It shocks me to think that this might be true.

She finally looks up at me. "You've got it all wrong." Her eyes are fierce.

"Please explain it to me then." I want to look away. Her eyes are tearing through me.

"Why should I?" She stands up, her hands on her hips.

"You're right. You don't owe me anything." I frown and return to my room. Carefully closing the door and crawling into bed. Burying my head in a pillow, trying to control myself. Waiting for her to leave before I let myself cry.

My door flies open, and I jump up from under the pillow as she rushes into the room.

"You can't do this to me!"

"What am I doing to you? I'm trying to make sure not to hurt you."

"After all this time, you suddenly care about hurting me?"

She's got me there. "That is why I started by telling you how much of an ass I've been." She huffs at me and returns to her room. I get up to chase her. She slams her door in my face. "Faith!" I push it back open as I call for her.

"Leave me alone."

"I don't want to leave you alone."

"I don't care what you want. Isn't that what you've been saying to me since we've known each other?" I feel the air suck out of my chest. All this time, all of the awful things I've said and done to her, she's never pushed back, never once stood up for herself. Seeing her standing there, so hurt and angry made me even more aware of how awful I've been.

I have no argument. No right to ask her for anything. No right to expect her to trust me to have changed. I can't hold the tears back any longer. "I'm sorry, so sorry for everything." The crushing realization that I might have lost the most important person in my life hits me. I run to my room before I collapse, not even making it to the bed before my legs give out. Curling into a ball and sobbing uncontrollably. After several minutes, exhaustion overwhelms me, and I can no longer cry. I stay curled up, tears silently falling over my cheeks. I'm startled to notice she's standing in the hallway watching me.

I don't blame her for reacting this way. I deserve every bit of it. I close my eyes and wait for her to leave. Hiding my face as best I can, unable to move further into the room or to shut the door. She sighs. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I mumble into my hands. Why won't she just leave now? This was all a terrible mistake. I don't want her to leave, but I need her go. It's too late to repair everything I've done to her. Too late to hope that we can be anything other than enemies.

She moves into the room to sit beside me, leaning up against the bed frame. "I do though. It wasn't fair of me." She places a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I.. I didn't know." I gasp at the unexpected contact.

"Didn't know what?"

"You kept asking me why I wouldn't leave. I never gave you an answer, because I didn't know."

I turn to face her, no longer caring that I must look like a disaster. "But you know now?" She nods, looking into her hands. "Oh." I have a million questions, but I wait patiently for her to say more.

"I spent all last night freaking myself out. Knowing there'd be no way you would understand. Knowing you wouldn't want me around if you knew how I felt. Then when you came to me this morning, I couldn't even hear what you were trying to tell me. I just wanted to hurt you so it would be easier for both of us when I left."

I groan as I move to sitting and slide next to her, my body still aching. "Did Willow really ask you to come visit?"

"Yeah.. but it's kind of a standing invitation."

I nod, understanding why she would think running away would be the right thing to do. "I spent all night realizing that I've been acting like the biggest jerk in the world. I've let you do so much for me, and I've given you nothing in return. Even if you decide to leave, you still saved me. If you hadn't have been here this whole time, I don't know what would have happened to me by now. You blame yourself for how hard things have always been between us, but it's not at all true. It's been my fault since the start. I've been so selfish, so unfair." The words spill out of me in a blur. I want to beg her to stay, to tell her that I need her to stay with me. I can't do that though. I won't pressure her into staying if she wants to leave.

I'm surprised and a little hurt when she stands up and walks out of the room without saying anything. I can hear her go downstairs and talk to someone on the phone. A few minutes later she returns with two glasses of juice and some toast. She hands me a glass and sits back down. We drink and eat in silence. I find myself starting to drift off. I'm completely spent, between not sleeping and the emotional toll of what just happened, I can't keep my eyes open. I feel her shift next to me as she moves to pick me up and place me in bed. I try to protest, but I can't find the energy.

She tucks me into the bed and gently brushes the hair away from my face. I'm asleep in seconds. I don't even have time to wonder if she'll still be there when I wake up.

It's dark when I finally open my eyes. I lay quietly listening to the sounds of the house. I frown and sigh deeply when I don't hear anything. "Guess I can't blame her," I whisper to myself.

"Can't blame me for what?"

I jump at the sound of her voice, sitting up I see her standing in the doorway.

"I thought you left." I can't help but smile at my relief, seeing her standing there.

"Nah, just woke up a few minutes ago. Was trying not to wake you up."

I slowly get out of bed, pleased to find my body is no longer aching.

"What?" She asks, and I realize I've been staring at her.

"Oh, sorry. Guess I'm just glad you're still here."

"Afraid if you look away that I'll disappear?"

"Maybe." Not maybe, that is what I'm afraid of. Suddenly, the thought of her leaving fills me with dread. "Faith, I.."

"No." I'm not even sure what I planned to say, but she stops me before I can finish.

"No?"

"Whatever you were just going to say - don't say it. Not until you're sure." Her voice is quiet as she says the last part. I know this is just as hard and confusing for her as it is for me.

I nod in agreement, she's right. I can't let my fear decide this for me. I have to figure out how I feel before I say or do anything that I can't take back. Again I wonder how I could have been so wrong about what kind of person she is. The sound of the doorbell echoed through the house.

"I ordered pizza." She turns to answer the door.

I change my clothes, which I've been wearing for over 24 hrs. I consider showering, but the pizza smells good, and my stomach is grumbly, so I head downstairs instead. I find her in the kitchen placing the boxes on the counter. I go to reach for one, and she knocks my hand away. "I didn't say you could have any."

I pout for a second, but I don't blame her for being so mean. I have some memory that I might have done this exact thing to her, possibly several times. I start to look for something else to eat. I grab a loaf of bread to make a sandwich when I hear her giggling at me. Rolling my eyes, I throw the loaf of bread at her, which she easily catches. "Ok, so I deserved that."

She slides one of the boxes towards me a goofy grin on her face. I'm starting to crave seeing her smile at me. We sit in comfortable silence eating the pizza, I'm trying but failing miserably and not staring at her. I trace all the features of my face with my eyes, wondering who she is and how things got to this point.

"You're going to have to cut that out."

"Sorry." I finally focus my eyes somewhere else.

She only nods, not looking at me. I want to ask her questions. I want to talk about all the crazy thoughts rolling around in my head. I just don't know how.

I'm spared having to figure out what to say by the sound of her phone ringing. She goes into the other room to answer it. I listen to her side of the conversation. I usually try not to listen when she's on the phone, but something about her tone gets me interested.

"Are you sure?"

"OK, yeah. We'll check it out."

"That's right. I'll explain later. Bye Red." She hangs up the phone and returns to the kitchen.

"Are you up for a road trip?"

"Road trip?"

"Yeah, there's something weird going on a few towns over. We're going to go check it out before Red decides if they need to send anyone else in."

"But... I haven't been training.." I don't mean to whine, but I'm scared and nervous.

"Don't worry. It's just a little recon." She smiles at me, and I melt. When did she gain so much power over me?

"When do we leave?"

"Now?"

"Can I take a shower first?"

"You do smell kinda ripe. Might be a good idea."

"Hey!" She shakes her head and laughs.

"Ready in 20?"

"Yeah, ok." I head upstairs, and I can't help but be excited about the idea of going on an adventure with her. Hopefully, she's right about it just being recon. I quickly shower and meet her downstairs.

"Hey wait, how are we getting there? You said it was a few towns over."

"Only one option, B." I sigh as I follow her out the door to the garage. She hands me a helmet and climbs on her motorcycle. Suddenly I'm very nervous and take a step back. "What you don't trust me?" Her brown eyes are mesmerizing as she watches me try to decide whether or not I can handle riding with her.

I put the helmet on and climb onto the back of the bike. If it were one of those Harley style bikes I could relax and sit back, but of course it's not. It's some Japanese crotch-rocket deal. It means I'll have to hold on to her, that our bodies will be pressed together. At least we won't have to figure out what to talk about on the ride over.

She fires it up and turns her head, waiting for me to wrap my arms around her, so I don't fall off. At least she's wearing a thick leather jacket. I've seen her ride around when the weather is nicer just wearing a t-shirt. I shake my head. This doesn't mean anything. Two friends can ride on a motorcycle together without it meaning anything. I move forward and tentatively grab the sides of her jacket. She seems satisfied, and we pull out of the garage.

I'm not at all surprised at how fast she goes once we get out on the open road. Still, I feel safe, and I trust that she knows what she's doing. After about two hours she pulls over to the side of the road. I hop off and wait as she consults her phone. Willow must have sent her coordinates that she's verifying.

"Doing ok?"

"Yeah," I reply, trying to keep the shakiness out of my voice.

"We go on foot from here, let me just get the bike hidden a little better." She climbs off and rolls it into the trees. She removes her jacket and places it on the bike. She turns to me staring, and I'm not sure why until I realize I'm still wearing the helmet. Feeling like a doofus I take it off and hand it to her.

She consults her phone again, and we head off into the woods. After a few minutes, I see lights through the trees. As we approach a large fenced-in area becomes visible. The top is lined with barbed wire. In the center of the fenced-in area, there is a large square brick building, with all of its windows blacked out. It seems very out of place in the middle of the woods, there is no obvious road, but then again I can't see the other side. The lights we can see are spotlights on the roof, sweeping over the area around the building. There are people up there, surveilling the area. Around the building is a random assortment of large boxes, some wooden and some metal.

"What is this place?" I whisper to her. I have a very bad feeling about whatever it is that is going on in there.

"Don't know, Red didn't tell me much."

I can sense that there are more than just people in the area, there are several vampires and possibly some other demons. I start to regret that we didn't bring any weapons. But this was supposed just to be recon.

"Come on. We have to get closer and see what they're doing."

Without waiting for my response, she jumps over the 15 ft fence and moves to hide behind a crate. I look at the fence, doubting myself for a second. She wasn't even watching to see what I was going to do. I decided to take that as a vote of confidence and leap over the fence myself. I cleared the top easily enough but did not land so gracefully. I rolled a bit and crashed into her. I did my best to moan quietly at the embarrassment I was feeling. It helped that she was looking down and smiling at me.

"Smooth." She whispered and helped me up.

"Any chance no one heard that?" Shouting from the roof and the movement of the spotlights quickly answers my question.

"Can you make it back over the fence?" She looks scared, which makes me nervous. But I just nod. I wasn't physically hurt when I landed, just my pride wounded a bit. We turn together and leap back over the fence. This time I plan my landing more carefully, and we both run deep into the woods as soon as our feet hit the ground. She leads the way, holding my hand and guiding me through the woods.

We run aimlessly for several minutes. Finally stopping to listen for the sounds of anyone chasing us. All seems quiet, so we stop to rest. "I'm sorry, I should never have asked you to come out here with me."

"It's not your fault that I'm a klutz. Plus you've been asking me to come train with you for ages if I had there wouldn't have been a problem."

The sound of a twig breaking freezes us both. We crouch behind a fallen log and silently wait to see if anyone is out there. It doesn't take long until we both sense a vampire is approaching. A vampire familiar to us both. Angel? What could he be doing out here? I haven't spoken to him in years. After everything with Spike, and also my self-inflicted exile, I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him.

"Come out come out wherever you are!" His voice sings through the trees.

"Angelus." Faith hisses and stands up. I rise to stand beside her, surveying for any possible weapons we can use. At least he seems to be alone.

"Ah, there you are Faithy. I've missed you! We had so much fun last time." He smiles, leering at both of us. "And Buffy! So glad to see you too."

She moves to stand in front of me.

"Isn't that cute! Trying to protect your girlfriend?" he grins at us, showing total confidence.

She growls and launches herself at him. He easily deflects her attacks, she's too angry and too out of practice. Again I'm furious with myself for not training with her. He quickly gains an advantage and lands several blows to her face. The final one sends her stumbling back a few feet. She doesn't relent though. She moves forward again. Seeing her receive those hits awakens something in me, and I'm finally able to move. I work my way to his side, hoping to at least provide a distraction. Unfortunately, I distract the wrong person.

I see her eyes widen as our eyes meet, and he takes the opportunity to grab her arm and fling her into a tree. I hear a sickening crunch as she hits and she slides to the ground, not moving. Her arm hangs an awkward angle, shoulder dislocated.

My body exploded with fear and rage at the sight of her limp body. Angelus turns away from me to see his handiwork. "Not so tough now, are you Faithy?"

I make a quick decision, one that I can't believe is so easy to make. But I make it without even a second thought. Grabbing a branch I had identified earlier, I launch myself at him. Covering the 10 feet between us in a single bound, I land on him and drive the stick into his back. I'm amazed at how easily it slides through and pierces his heart. I hit the ground, his ashes settling around me.

I quickly move to Faith's side and rotate her arm back into place. Knowing it needs to be done now and hopefully, she won't feel it. Too bad for her, it jolts her awake, and she screams. I hold her tight and cry.

"What happened? Where did he go?" She looks around, wide-eyed and confused.

I back away slightly, still hugging her but moving so I could see her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't even stop to think about it."

Her eyes open wide with shock. "You killed him?"

I nod. "I know how much Angel meant to you." I'm crying again, and she's looking at me confused.

"How much he meant to me? But.. you... You love him."

"Loved. A long time ago. I saw him hurt you and I didn't even think about any of that. I couldn't take the chance that he would come after you again."

She grimaces, moving to a more upright position.

"What are we going to do now?" I sit back giving her room to maneuver and evaluate her injuries.

"We need to call for reinforcements." She slides her phone out and groans when she sees that it's smashed. "Or not." She pushes the broken phone back into her pocket and frowns. I wish there were something I could do to take that frown away.

"More of them could be coming, let's get out of here." She nods her agreement, and I help her stand up. I try to wrap my arm around her waist to help her walk, but she gently pushes me away.

"I'm ok. I can walk on my own."

Is she mad at me for killing him? Why won't she let me help her? She takes a step and stumbles. I catch her before she can hit the ground. "Please let me help you." She looks up at me with tears in her eyes, and I crumble to the ground next to her. I examine her legs and see that her right ankle is very severely sprained or possibly broken. It's already begun to swell to twice its normal size.

"I can't believe you did that."

"I'm sorry." I frown and look at the ground, and it's killing me to see how sad she is. I know he did so much for her. If it weren't for him, she'd probably be dead by now. And I just killed him without even thinking about it.

She gently grabs my chin and raises it, so I have to look in her eyes. "That's not what I mean. I can't believe you chose me over him."

"It wasn't even a choice. I'll never let anything hurt you again. Not even me." I can't read her expression. This is all too confusing. "Come on. We have to get out of here."

We stand up again, and this time she lets me help her. We make our way to the edge of the woods as quickly as possible. I hold as much of her weight as she'll let me, and it only takes a few minutes to get to where her bike was. Except it's not there. "Are we in the right place? Where did your bike go?"

"They must have taken it, didn't want us getting away so easily I guess. Not that I could have driven it right now, even if it was here." Between her ankle and shoulder, I'm sure she's right.

Frowning I look in each direction down the road, looking for any sign of civilization. "Do you remember how far back the closest town was? Or maybe a gas station?"

"I think there was something about 5 miles back. You should run there and call for help."

I shake my head and look at her. "There's no way I'm leaving you alone out here."

"I can just hide in the trees until you get back."

"Faith." I move closer, looking her in the eyes. "I'm not leaving you alone out here."

She shrinks from my gaze. I'm not sure why. There was nothing harsh about my words. I think she's just embarrassed, at least I hope that's what this is. I sigh and stare up at the sky, hoping to find some inspiration. "I could carry you."

She raises an eyebrow at me and almost smiles. "Piggy-back ride? Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." I move closer and crouch down turning my back to her. "Climb on." I'm sure we look ridiculous. Her long legs are dangling in front of me, and I try to keep her injured ankle as stable as I can. It has to be hurting her, but she doesn't complain. "Let me know if it get's too uncomfortable and we'll take a break." I feel her nod, and I take off as quickly as I can down the road.

"B?"

"Need me to stop?" It's been about 10 minutes. I'm hoping we've covered 3 miles of road by now. I think I could run faster, but I'm worried about shaking her too much.

"Can you hear that?" I stop and listen. There's a car coming from behind us. I move into the woods on the other side of the street, hoping if they are looking for us they won't expect us to be there. I move in about 100 yds. It's not possible to see the road, but we can still hear the car coming. I carefully crouch and put her down, resting her against a tree.

I can tell the car is moving slow and can see a bright light. It must be shining it into the woods, looking for us. I quickly turn and scoop her up, and run as fast as I can away from the road.

"I think you can stop now."

I stop, I don't hear anything, and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Um, you can probably put me down."

I start to, but I notice a house up ahead through the trees. So I continue to hold her in my arms and move towards it slowly, sensing for any signs of life, demonic or otherwise. Once we're close, I place her carefully against a tree and move closer. I believe there is one person in the house, seems to human and asleep. "I don't suppose you know how to hotwire a car?"

"What do you think I am, some kind of criminal?" Her tone is playful, so I don't think I've offended her.

"I think you are a woman of many talents." I can feel a ridiculous grin forming on my face. This night has been beyond bizarre, and it's not over yet.


	4. Chapter 4

Faith's POV

How did I let this happen? We should have never come out here. It was supposed to just be a simple recon, but now everything is so fucked. I don't even know what to think right now. I can't believe she killed Angel so easily. She doesn't even seem to feel bad that he's gone, she only seems worried that I might be upset. It's a side of her I've never seen.

I let her help me to the truck and peer inside. "Shit."

"What's wrong?"

"It's a stick."

"What does that mean?"

"It means there's no way you can drive it."

"Oh." Seems like I just missed an opportunity for a dirty joke in there somewhere, but I'm too upset and confused to make jokes at the moment.

"The door is unlocked at least, let me see what I can do." I slide into the driver's seat and experiment with pushing the gas pedal with my toes, it hurts like hell, but I can handle it. At least it's my right ankle that I jacked up. I think I can manage this. "Can you push it away from the house a bit?" I release the emergency brake and make sure the shifter isn't in gear. She nods and gets to work. We roll down the driveway and into the road. I think we're far enough away from the house that we won't wake anyone up when I start the truck. I motion for her to get in the passenger seat.

This is an old truck, maybe from the 70s so it should be no problem to start without a key. Searching through the glove box, I find a flathead screwdriver. I jam it in the ignition and turn, the engine comes to life. "At least something is going right."

"That was impressive! I didn't know it could be so easy to start a car without a key."

"Only works on older models. The slayer strength helps too."

We drive slowly down the road. I have no idea where we are or if we're even heading in the right direction. I at least feel like we're out of danger for the moment.

"Faith, are you ok?"

"Five by five," I reply without thinking about it, I'm focused on driving and thinking about how many mistakes I made tonight.

"Does five by five mean that you're mad at me?"

"Mad at you, why would I be mad at you?" I finally turn to look at her and see the fear and worry in her eyes.

"If I hadn't abandoned training we both could have handled tonight better. It's my fault we got caught and my fault that Angel hurt you."

I stop the truck and turn to look at her. "Let's make a deal. No more blaming ourselves for our past mistakes. Ok? Let's just move forward and try to be better than we've been."

She looks at me for a bit. I can't tell what she's thinking "What about Angel?"

"What about him?"

"I.. I killed him."

"You did."

"You're not upset about that?"

"I'm not sure what I feel about it yet. I'm not mad at you for doing it though. I don't know what Angelus was doing out there, but it can't be good. I believe that you had no choice." I wonder though, would I have been able to kill him so easily? He did a lot for me. I'd be dead or locked away in some council dungeon if it weren't for him. Deep down I always knew it was dangerous to let him live. Angelus was evil, and we all knew he'd be free again and come after us. I try to imagine how it would have felt to see her thrown and knocked unconscious, fearing that he would finish the job and kill her. Just the thought of seeing her like that puts knots in my stomach, and now I'm sure I would have done the same thing she did.

"Ok." I don't believe she thinks it's ok at all. But now isn't the time to discuss it. We need to get to a phone. I sigh and get the truck moving again. After a few more miles I see lights in the distance. We're getting near the main road, and I pick up the speed a little. Once we're on the main road, it's not too long until we find a gas station. I pull in, and we get out of the car. I almost collapse as I try to put weight on my ankle. She's got her arms around me in an instant, holding me up.

My shoulder seems to be completely healed, but my ankle hasn't gotten much better. I'm sure it's shattered. Even slayer healing takes time with broken bones. She helps me over to the phone and I quickly dial Willow's number. Amazed that I remembered it.

"Hello?"

"There's some serious trouble down here."

"Faith?" Why does she sound so confused to be hearing from me?

"Yeah, we went to check out that place you told me about. Angelus was there, and tons of vamps. We didn't see much of what they were doing, but it can't be good."

"What are you talking about?"

"What do you mean?" Ok freaking out now.

"I never asked you to check a place out."

"But... you called a couple of hours ago. Said there was something weird going on."

"I really didn't."

"Well.. shit. Angelus must have set it up to trap us. Damn. Didn't work out too well for him though." I frown looking at Buffy. I dragged her out here for nothing.

"What happened."

"He's dead."

"What!"

"Yeah, Buffy had to…" I don't even know how to explain what happened.

"Buffy killed him! Why would she do that? Why was she even with you?" I'm a little annoyed at her outrage and questions.

"Things are... Complicated." I look at Buffy as I answer Red, she's staring at the ground, seeming ashamed of what she did. I place a reassuring hand on her shoulder, and she looks up at me. "She had no choice though. He must have been up to something more than just luring us into a trap. I don't know what the rest of them will do now that he's gone."

"We'll send a squad down there to take them out. Do you know where the place was?"

"My phone was smashed, I don't know if I can get the info."

Suddenly Willow is standing before me I hear B grunt with surprise, and run off to a bench about 200 yards away. Red didn't seem to notice that B was even there. "Sorry, this just seemed easier." She's got her laptop out and is plugging the phone in. I don't even know what to say. I'm too shocked by here just appearing out of nowhere. She seems to be waiting for her computer to do something now. "What happened with Angel?"

"He knocked me out. Trashed my shoulder and ankle, throwing me around. I didn't see what happened, but B staked him."

She nods and leans down to examine my ankle. I feel warmth as she heals it completely. Relieved I wiggle my foot and test it out. The pain is completely gone. "Thanks, it wasn't healing on its own."

"It was probably broken. How did you manage to get out of there?"

"Piggy back ride." I can't help but smile at the ridiculous idea.

She finally looks around and noticed B isn't here. "I didn't even think… how is she?"

I shrug, not at all sure how to answer. I feel anger building up. It occurs to me that Willow had no idea what she's done. Just showing up, she didn't think at all about how B would feel about that. "Maybe you should go try to apologize to her."

She looks genuinely confused. "What do I have to apologize for? She's the one that turned me and everyone else away."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Do I need to give you a list?" I'm thinking holding in my feelings for all this time is starting to be a problem. Now that I've let some of them out, everything I've been holding in is starting to spill out of me.

"But... I never did anything to her.."

Now that my ankle is healed I move towards her aggressively, hands clenched as I spit my words at her. "Guess I do. Let's get the big one out of the way. You ripped her out of fucking heaven. Do you remember that? Do you remember how you tried to fix it? Trying to steal her memories? That was a fantastic plan."

"But... I didn't mean…"

"Right, didn't mean to." I can't believe how unaware of what she's done she is. How ungrateful she is for all that B has done for her over the years. "How about when you tried to destroy the entire world? You did that because you couldn't handle your grief and thought the answer was to kill the whole world! And what did she do when you did these things? Did she turn her back on you? No, she never stopped supporting you, no matter what you did." I see the confusion and fear on Red's face. She really never thought about any of this. She just expected B to handle everything and be perfect all the time. It just made me even more mad that she didn't immediately drop to her knees and beg forgiveness. I know she's not our enemy, she's just a thoughtless, selfish girl.

I calm myself and back away, "Look, I appreciate the help. I hope you can find your own way, we're going to head home. Come on, B. Let's go." I don't raise my voice or turn my head as I said this. I know she heard every word. The look on Willow's face confirms that she's heading over here.

"She could hear us?" Willow whispered, like that would make a difference now.

"Of course she could. How can you know so little about her? Have you ever even taken a second to think about what it's like to be her?"

"I've dedicated my whole life to the slayer! I live with dozens of them. How can you say I don't know what it's like?"

"Slayers maybe, but not THE Slayer. The baby slayers have no idea what it's like either. They never had the entire world counting on just them. They've always had a team. All she ever had was you. You were supposed to be her best friend."

"How can you be defending her? She's always treated you worse than anyone."

"I admit that I didn't understand her at first either. But then I took some time to think about it. To try to imagine what it's like to be her. Now, when I think about how she's been treated by her so-called friends, I'm amazed she handled it as well as she did. If it had been me in her place, we'd probably all be dead by now. I never would have found a way to keep working with everyone after the shit we pulled on her. But she is better than all of us. She knew she had to put the fate of the world above her own feelings."

Willow just frowns. I hope I'm making some kind of sense, but I'm not sure anymore. B is almost here. She won't make eye contact with either of us, she's locked on the truck. Focusing on getting in and escaping this situation that she's not at all prepared to deal with.

"Buffy... I..." I jump between them before she can finish.

"Not now. Figure out your shit first." I can see the sadness on her face, but she nods. I think it's starting to make sense to her. B and me have made a lot of progress lately, and I won't have it undone by this colossal fuck up. I feel terrible for falling for Angelus' trick. I should have realized that it wasn't Red on the phone. I should never have dragged us into this situation.

We get in the truck and head towards home. It's a lot easier to drive now that my ankle is healed. I'm still furious at Red for just showing up, even though I'm glad she healed me and that they'll take care of whatever was happening out there. It was still just so rude, shows she has no respect for B. She knew that things were getting better, but I wanted B to talk to her friends herself. I didn't want to be the one to explain to them what they had done. Maybe that was a mistake. Guess it doesn't matter now.

"Thanks. You didn't have to do that." Her voice is quiet, and I can tell she's embarrassed.

"Wanted to. She didn't have any idea about what she did to you."

"Still, kinda dangerous pissing her off."

"Yeah, maybe. But you know me. I like to live dangerously."

"What if they cut us off now?"

"I don't think they would, but we'll be all right if they do." B has no idea, but I've saved well over $150k in the past few years. That's more than enough to keep us going especially if she starts working after finishing school.

The rest of the ride home is uneventful. I park the truck in the driveway and briefly wonder if we're going to get into trouble for taking it. Knowing there's nothing I can do about it now I kill the engine and exit the truck.

I unlock the door, and she follows a few steps behind. I'm completely exhausted, and I know she must be too. She carried me for 3 miles at least, a lot of the time running. It has to be more activity that she's had in years. I sigh walking into the kitchen. This has been a crazy night, full of emotions that I haven't made sense of yet.

Angel is gone, and while I haven't talked to him in ages, there was always some comfort in knowing that he was around if I needed him. Knowing that he was out there fighting for his redemption made me feel like there was hope for me. Now I'm without my safety net. I feel my shoulders slump as I grab a beer from the fridge, opening it and draining it before even closing the door.

I grab another and shut the door, turning around to see B standing in the doorway, eyes cast to the floor. "Are you ok?" She doesn't answer, but looks up and takes a few steps towards me. Our eyes are locked, but I can't read her expression. She quickly closes the distance and wraps me in a warm hug. Her head nestled in my shoulder, I can feel her breath on my neck and feel her heart pounding against my chest. "B?"

She sighs deeply and backs away. I feel a huge loss when she breaks contact. I want nothing more than to pull her back to me. I'm terrified of what will happen if I do. It's not even a sexual thing, not right now anyway. I just want to be close to her, and I want us to be friends. I want lots of other things too, but tonight is too complicated.

"I'm so sorry about tonight." She whispers, casting her eyes down again.

"Why are you sorry? I'm the one who fell for a trap again."

She gives me a disapproving look, "Faith, it wasn't your fault. How could you possibly have known?" I want to believe her. It's just not hard to think of myself as a fuck up. She moves forward again, putting her hands on my shoulders. "It's not your fault that we were tricked."

I nod, trying to accept her words. "Fine, none of it was your fault either though."

"It's not really about blame. I'm just sorry that it happened. I'm sorry that you were hurt. Seeing you like that…" Tears are forming and running down her cheeks. I wipe them away with my thumbs and pull her into a hug. Loving the way our bodies fit together. It's amazing to me how much things have changed in such a short period of time.

If she had seen me injured even a month ago, would she even have cared? Or would she have laughed? I cringe at the thought, finding it hard to accept that she's even the same person.

"I'm so sorry I spent so much time hating you and pushing you away. Now that I can see you, I don't understand how I couldn't before." I guess she's thinking about the same things I am. Tears are streaming down my face now too, and I can feel her hot tears moistening my shirt. Can years of hatred and trying to kill each other be wiped away? Can I let myself believe that she really does care about me now?

I can't deny how good it feels to have her in my arms. I can't deny how different she's been these past few weeks. But how long will that last? What if I piss her off and she goes back to hating me? I've already put myself out there, already let her know how I feel. She could so easily turn it all around on me. She could demolish me. I feel her hands start to wander across my back, gently caressing.

Coming to my senses, I gently push her away. She looks up at me, her red rimmed eyes searching mine for something. I do my best to stay composed, "I'm exhausted, going to go to sleep." She nods her understanding and gives me some space to pass.

I enter my room and slump down on the floor, leaning against my bed. Slowing drinking my second beer. She comes up stairs only a few minutes later and gently knocks on my door.

"Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I come in for a second?"

"Sure."

The door opens, and she slowly enters, leaning against the wall. "I know there's nothing I can say that will erase everything I've said and done to you." My hand instinctively reaches for my stomach, remembering exactly what she did. She notices, and she winces, fresh tears forming.

"It's all in the past. Neither of us are who we were then." I want to believe it can be this easy to undo all our past mistakes.

"A lot of it isn't that far in the past." She frowns, I don't know what she's trying to say, or what she expects me to say in response. I can't take away her guilt. I'm not sure I want to. Feeling bad about the bad shit we've done is a good thing. "I guess I'm not making much sense right now."

"That's not all that unusual for you."

"Hey!" She grins at me, and I chuckle. "Sometimes I make sense, I'm sure of it." She gives me a mock pout, and we both laugh. It feels good to be able to laugh.

She turns to leave but changes her mind. "I can imagine that you're worried that I'll turn back into monster Buffy any second now." I look up shocked, can she read my mind now? "I have no way to prove to you that I won't. I can only tell you that I know that I won't."

"Ok."

She frowns, "Do you think you could ever be like you were before? When you worked for the mayor?'

"What? Where did that come from? Do you think I'm going to switch teams again or something?" I jump to my feet and take a few steps towards her, no matter how good things might be getting between us - I will not accept being accused of being evil again.

"No, no! That's not what I meant. I just meant… That maybe you feel the same way about that, that I do about this. Now that I'm aware of how badly I messed everything up, how awful I was - I know that I'd never let that happen again."

I narrow my eyes at her, trying to calm myself. I replay her words and try to make sense of them. I move towards her again, gently this time. Pulling her close for a hug. "As much as none of that made any sense, I get it." I feel her sigh against me and she gently squeezes me.

I breathe her scent in and sigh. I'm still completely unsure of what any of this means. But I am less afraid that she'll turn on me again. We break away from the hug, and she smiles at me. "Good night." She says softly, almost a whisper.

"Good night." She backs out of my room, not breaking eye contact until she turns towards her room.

I close my door and prepare for sleep. I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off of me. Just the fact that she could guess that I was worried about her turning on me, and cared enough to try and make me feel better about it, meant a lot. I knew I was still open to being hurt by her. But I'm no longer worried that she'll do it on purpose, or even just through being unaware that she was hurting me.

The next morning I wake up to the sound of the doorbell.

"I've got a delivery for Lehane."

"What?" I'm not quite awake and don't know what delivery I could be getting.

"Just sign here please." I do, and the man hands me a small package with a note attached. The note reads:

"Here is a new cell phone. We took care of the truck. We found your bike, but it was broken beyond repair, we've replaced it."

That's all it says, no name or other personalized information. I look over to the driveway to see a brand new version of the bike I had sitting in the driveway. "I guess the council isn't going to cut us off." I smile and go back into the house.

"Good news?" She's heading down the stairs, still in her PJs.

I hold up the keys and smile. "Want to go for a ride?"

"They found your bike?"

"Not exactly."

We head out and take a closer look at the bike. It's a brand new VFR1200X. Basically, the best all around bike Honda makes.

"It's pretty."

"It sure is." I climb on, and can't help but smile at how it feels. I'm shocked when she climbs on behind me. "I thought you hated these things."

"They're growing on me." She slides a little closer, placing her hands on my hips. "Are we going to go for a ride?"

"We should probably put actual clothes on before going for a ride. We don't even have shoes on." I start to feel nervous with her so close. It's one thing to realize I have feelings for her, but another to think she might feel the same. The idea that we could actually be together is too much for me to handle right now.

"I thought you were danger girl." I can feel her heart beating against my back, it feels like it's going to explode, or maybe that's my own heart. She wraps her arms around my waist and moves even closer. Fear overwhelms me, and I hop off the bike and run into the house.


	5. Chapter 5

Buffy's POV

I quickly follow her into the house, I find her sitting on the couch staring blankly at the floor.

"Faith, what just happened?" I want to sit next to her, but I decide instead to sit in the chair across from the couch instead. I watch her intently, waiting for her to say something. I'm pretty sure I'm messing everything up. These last few days have been very confusing. I wonder if it's even possible to know what I'm feeling or what the right way to handle this situation is. I just know I feel better when we're close, but maybe she's not ready for that.

She doesn't seem to even register that I'm in the room. She's staring at the ground now. Her hands gripped tightly together. I make a decision.

"I don't expect you to answer this question right now. I just want to ask it. I want you to know that I'm ready to hear the answer, whatever it might be." I move forward and kneel on the floor before her. Trying to make eye contact, but she won't raise her eyes to mine.

"Why are you still here?" I ask it softly, and she finally looks up, but still, says nothing. "After last night, I'm sure of how I feel. I'm not going to spend any more time doubting my motivations for how I feel about you. I understand if you need more time. I understand if you can't trust me. I'm not sure if I deserve you, but I want to."

She reaches out and gently touches my cheek, smiling softly. I lean into the touch. My skin tingles in response to her gentle caress. I frown when she moves her hand away, but then she rises from the couch she holds out her hand to me. "Come on, let's get dressed and go for a ride."

I'm disappointed that she doesn't say more, but I'm excited about the idea of going for a ride. I enter my room and dig through my closet looking for something to wear. I finally settle on a pair of jeans, with a reasonable t-shirt. I'm surprised, to find there are boots buried in the back of my closet that will be perfect. I can't remember where they came from, I certainly never would have bought them for myself.

There's a light knock at my door. "Are you almost ready?"

"Coming!" Bouncing up I open the door to see her standing there. Tight leather pants and an even tighter tank top.

"Gulp," I say before I can stop myself.

"Did you just say gulp out loud?" She grins, apparently pleased with the response her outfit as elicited.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Ok, so I've completely lost control of myself. She's smiling at me though, so I hope that means everything is ok. I watch as she trails her eyes over my body appreciatively. Her face tightens a little as she notices the boots I'm wearing. She sighs and turns away. It's only then that I remember where the boots came from.

2 years ago - my birthday

"You didn't have to get me anything." I scowl at the package. I hate my birthday, something terrible always happens, and there's no reason to think this one will be any different. I don't know why they won't just leave me alone. I keep telling them to leave, but they won't.

"I know, I just saw them and thought they might come in handy someday." Faith shrugs at me. I have no idea why she's even living here. She could go anywhere she wants. She knows I hate her, so why doesn't she just leave?

"What are these supposed to be?" I frown holding up the leather boots.

"They're motorcycle boots, in case you ever want to go for a ride with me."

"You can't be serious. Like I'd ever ride on a motorcycle with you." I make sure to emphasize that it's her that offends me most about the idea. I see the hurt in her face, and it makes me smile.

"Why do you have to be such a bitch all the time?" Dawn says exasperatedly. I had forgotten she was even there.

I laugh in response. "I'm the bitch? I'm not the one who killed people. Has everyone forgotten that?"

"Nobody has forgotten anything." Faith narrows her eyes and leaves the house. I smile to myself victoriously. Ignoring the looks Dawn and Xander are giving me. I know I'm right, I have no reason to be nice to her. She shouldn't even be here.

Present day

The memory stings. I shake my head, wanting to cry, I don't understand how I let myself become that terrible person. Here I am now, trying to be better, and I can't even be bothered to remember all the unfair things I've done to her.

I hear her open the front door and I panic. "Faith wait!" I call after her and run down the stairs. Thinking she's come to her senses and is going to leave without me.

"Chill, I wasn't going to leave." Her voice is cold, and I can tell she was at least thinking about leaving.

"Maybe you should. I'm sorry I didn't remember sooner about the boots. I'm guessing that's going to happen a lot. I've been so terrible to you all this time."

She looks up, her eyes burrowing into me. "Look, I don't know what any of this means, or what's going to happen. But the only chance either of us has of maybe finding some happiness is if we forgive each other and ourselves." Her words don't exactly match with her facial expression. I'm not sure if she's which one of us she's trying to convince.

"I don't know if I can forgive myself. I haven't done anything to deserve forgiveness."

"You better figure it out." She turns from me and heads towards the bike. Her voice is cold, and there's nothing I want more than to repair the damage I've done.

I watch her as she climbs on and fires it up. She leans back and turns to look at me, waiting for me to decide. If she's found a way to forgive me, I have to try and do the same. I have to be the person that is good enough to have her in my life. I quickly move and climb on the bike behind her. Placing my hands tentatively on her hips, hoping that is going to be enough to hold me in place.

Faith's POV

Once I feel her hands on my hips, I release the clutch, and we take off out of the driveway. I do my best to ignore whatever she's doing back there, just paying enough attention to be aware if she's going to fall off or not. As upset as I am, I still don't want her to be hurt. I ride towards the edge of town, not with any particular destination in mind.

Why do I keep letting her do this to me? I can't expect her to remember every little shitty thing she's said or done to me. I can't let that upset me. Otherwise, she's right, and I should just leave. We'll never be able to repair this relationship to where it's healthy for either of us. Those stupid boots! Of course she'd wear them, and of course, she wouldn't remember where she got them. Why would I expect anything less?

We get to a curvy part of the road, and I lean into the turns - driving far faster than is probably safe, loving the feeling of the bike. This thing is amazing, far more powerful than my previous one. I smile to myself. Maybe I should thank those vamps for trashing it. The road evens out, and I slow down a little.

Now I notice she's wrapped her arms tightly around my midsection, her front fully pressed against my back. She's not releasing her grip as I slow the bike to a more reasonable speed. So I move to the side of the road and come to a complete stop. Only once I turn the bike off does she let go and back away. She won't look at me, and she's visibly shaking, wrapping her arms around herself protectively.

"Sorry about that. I kinda got lost in the moment." I turn when she says nothing in return. I see the hurt in her eyes. A flicker crosses my mind where I'm glad I scared her, but that is gone before I even acknowledge it. I come fully off the bike so that I can face her. "I really didn't do that on purpose. I've never driven anything this powerful, and I let it take control of me. Please don't think I would do anything like that on purpose."

She's staring at me with confusion and terror in her eyes, but she still can't seem to say anything. I place my hand on her arm, and she looks at it as if she doesn't know what it is. Groaning at my stupidity, I wrap my arms around her and pull her off the bike. Setting her to sit against a tree.

"It's ok if you're pissed at me. I shouldn't have done it. Just come back. Say something. Please?" I touch her cheek gently, and she closes her eyes. Leaning into it, just like she did earlier.

"Ok." She whispers, at least it's something.

"I promise you that I'm not going to be looking for ways to get you back for these past few years. I might joke with you a little, but I will never do anything to intentionally try to hurt you." It was my choice to stay, and it was my choice to keep letting her dump all her misery on me, I have to accept that. I hope she can believe me.

She opens her eyes, tears brim the edges, and I just want to crawl into a ball and die. How does she have this effect on me? After everything, all I want to do is keep her safe, all I want is for her to be happy. She's holding her hand over mine now, pressing it to her face. "Ok." She says again, this time is different, this time I can believe it.

"We'll just sit here for a while. It's a nice day at least." I reluctantly pull my hand from her face and move to sit beside her. Our shoulders are touching as we sit in silence. After not too long, my stomach starts to make noises. We skipped breakfast to go on this little adventure. I hear her giggling at me. It's a relief to know she can still do that, and I smile at the sound. Having hope that I haven't completely undone all our progress in a few moments of stupidity.

She rises and turns to me, holding out her hand. I accept and stand, assuming we'll walk back. We didn't get that far if I can convince her to run we can probably be back in 15 minutes or so. I'm surprised when she heads back towards the bike.

"Are you sure? We can just run back. It'd only take a few minutes."

"I trust you." She smiles and waits for me. "I'll be holding on tight though." Her smirk melts my insides, and suddenly I want nothing more than for her to hold me tight and never let go.

"Gulp." I joke in reply, not sure I pulled off the same level of cuteness that she managed earlier, but it did make her smile.

I climb on and wait as she does the same. She wraps her arms around me tightly. A lot more tightly than she needs to, but not nearly enough to cause me any pain. I decide to say nothing as I turn on the engine. I feel her sigh into my back.

"And you're allowed to tell me to back off if I'm holding on too tightly." She relaxes her grip, and I get what she means. We both have to be honest about how we're treating each other. We can't walk around on eggshells trying not to set the other one off.

I carefully turn the bike around and head back towards the house. Taking the curves at a much more reasonable speed. I'm careful not to go too slow since that can be even more dangerous. I can feel the grip around my waist relax even more as she gets used to the movements.

We're almost back to the house, and I feel her tense up completely behind me. It startles me to where I almost lose control of the bike. Slowing to a stop a few hundred feet away from the driveway, I see what she sees.

"What is he doing here?" Her voice is scared, not full of the hatred and anger I would have expected.

"I dunno, what do you want to do?" She sighs and leans her face against my back. "You don't have to talk to him. Let me see what he wants first?" She nods and climbs off the bike, she moves to the side of the street and sits down on the curb.

I ride the rest of the way to the driveway and park. Giles rises from the porch when he sees me approach.

"Faith." He's looking down the road to where Buffy is sitting and then back at me with concern.

"What are you doing here?"

"We found out what Angelus was up to."

"Couldn't you have just called to tell me about that?" I'm not at all interested in what he has to say. Seeing Buffy so upset is doing things to me that I can't control. I used to look up to Giles, thought he could be a father figure to me like he was to her. When I saw the way he betrayed her so many times, any respect I had for him was gone. I could never understand why she kept giving him more chances to disappoint her.

"I'm afraid it directly concerns you. Can we go inside to talk?" He takes a step towards the door.

"No, I don't think we can. Just tell me what is going on." I stand defiantly, looking up at him standing on our porch. The idea of him inside our house repulses me.

He hangs his head, looking at the ground. "Willow told me what you said to her. I think you were rather unfair."

Rage explodes inside of me. Clenching my fists. "Go. Go right this fucking second." I scream at him and point away from our house.

"How dare you speak to me like that!"

"How dare I?! One more word, say just one more fucking thing. And you'll see how much I dare to do." Buffy is suddenly standing in front of me, her hands on my shoulders.

"It's ok Faith. It'll be ok." She's guiding me away from him, towards the garage. She brings me inside and sits me down at the workbench.

"Nothing is ok. It's not right, none of them think they were wrong. When I think about how he treated you…" My hands are balled into fists, and I really need to find something to smash. I can see the concern and fear in her eyes, and I try to calm myself.

She hands me a tennis ball from the workbench. I take a second to wonder where it even came from. I look up at her questioningly.

"Stress ball? Try not to destroy it too quickly." She smirks at me and runs her fingers lightly down my arm as she turns to leave. Sparks trail down my arm where she touched. I almost giggle at her goofiness. If Giles weren't here, I could almost think things could be getting better for both of us.

Buffy's POV

I leave Faith in the garage. I hope she'll stay there until I can find out what Giles wants. As I turn the corner, I see he's still standing on the porch, talking on his cell phone.

"I don't know, she just threatened me." He doesn't notice me approach, so I wait to see if I can learn more.

"I didn't get a chance to tell her."

"I might have said I thought she was unfair to you." I can hear Willow yell at him through the phone as he holds it away from his ear. I grin, seeing the chastised look on his face. Believing that maybe Willow understands now some of what I've been going through.

"Yes, well. I suppose it wasn't too smart of me."

I clear my throat, getting his attention. His eyes widen in shock as he notices me.

"Ah, yes. Buffy is here now. I'll let you know what happens." He taps the screen of his phone, ending the call, and looks down at me.

"Hello, Buffy." There's no smile there, only a wariness. It's been almost three years since we've even spoken. I remember how hurt and confused he was when I told him to leave back then. He barely even resisted, didn't even try to argue or to even understand why I wanted him to leave.

I can't bring myself to return his greeting. I'm doing my best to contain my rage at the man. He has a lot of nerve just to show up and say anything to Faith about her being unfair. "I imagine you have a very good reason for being here." I finally manage to say, trying to keep my tone neutral.

"Yes, if we could just go in and talk about it, I'd be happy to explain."

Crossing my arms, I take a step back from the house. "Or you could stand right where you are and explain it from there."

He looks around nervously. "It might not be safe."

"It's definitely not safe for you." My patience is starting to fade. I can hear Faith chuckle in the garage. And that calms me a little.

"Faith needs to hear this too."

"She can hear you just fine. Now hurry up and explain."

"Ok, yes well." He raises his voice as if Faith needs that.

"Speak normal, she can hear you fine I said." My teeth are clenched as a force the words out.

He grimaces a little, taking a step back in fear. "As I was saying, we found out what Angelus was up to. We sent a team of slayers to that building you were sent to, it was empty, but we did find a few documents and other items." He stops, taking the time to clean his glasses.

I roll my eyes at his stalling tactics and consider just walking away.

"We believe they were luring Faith there, to capture her." My heart stops.

"Why would they want to capture her?" My posture changes a little, and I'm no longer irritated that he's here. Now I'm worried for Faith, what would have happened if I hadn't have gone with her? Would they have taken her? I shake my fears away and try to pay attention to what he's saying.

"We think they want to undo the spell that activated all the potentials."

"What makes you think that?"

"It would explain some other things that have happened recently. A few weeks ago they stole some documents from the slayer compound along with some other things."

"What other things exactly?" I cannot contain the fury in my voice. There is one very sacred thing they convinced me to let them keep there.

"Well, trinkets mostly."

"Giles!" My tone is threatening, and I take a step towards him.

"They took the Scythe." He finally admits meekly.

At these words, Faith is suddenly by my side. I'm not sure which one of us is keeping the other from doing some serious damage to Giles, but somehow neither of us do.

"They stole it a few weeks ago, and you're just telling us now!" Faith screams at the man.

"You both seemed clear that you didn't want to be part of what we were doing any longer."

"That is such bullshit, and you know it. You were just afraid to admit you fucked up once again." I ignore the look of horror and shock on Giles face at my words. He can never admit when he's wrong. "So what do you expect us to do now?"

"We were hoping Faith would come stay with us."

"You think you can keep her safe?"

"Safer than here anyway." Even now, his tone is arrogant. Like he knows the best course of action despite all his earlier mistakes.

Doing my best to ignore him and the rage building inside of me, I turn to her. "What do you want to do?"

"I dunno." For the first time, she looks scared.

"Do you think it's safest if you're with them?"

"We can't risk them getting a hold of both her and the Scythe," Giles adds, I glare at him.

"Your message is delivered. Faith will be in touch when she decides what to do."

He pauses at the top of the steps. "I was hoping to take her back with me now."

My mind snaps and I leap at him, intending fully on killing him where he stands. Before I can get close to him, I feel Faith's arms wrapped around me, holding me in place. I am thrashing against her grip, trying to break free, but luckily for Giles, I can't. "Just go, I will be in touch." She says while trying to keep me away from him.

Giles finally seems to understand how much danger he's in and he moves quickly to his car. As he's entering he stops to look back at us, "There's one more thing I should tell you." Taking a deep breath. "I believe whoever stole the Scythe may have been a slayer." He quickly jumps in the car and takes off down the road.

We watch him drive away in complete shock. After a few more moments I guide Faith into the house and bring her to the kitchen. I put out some bowls and cereal. Despite everything that's been happening her stomach is still growling for food. She looks at the food in front of her with confusion but starts eating anyway.

"What do you want to do?" I ask softly after she's finished her cereal.

"This can't be real. How can any of this be happening? Why do they need me anyway, shouldn't any slayer work? Or if it can be only one of us, wouldn't it be you?"

"I'm not sure, maybe because I died already, the slayer power goes through you. I'm sure there is more that they're not telling us."

"I have to go stay with them." She whispers, frowning, tears starting to form.

"I know you do. It's the only way to figure out what's going on. You should leave now before anything else can happen."

She looks up at me with her ridiculous brown eyes. "You have to come with me."

"What? No, I can't, no way. They'll never accept me." So much has changed in the past few weeks, but I'm just not ready for that, not ready to be surrounded by people.

"They'll have to. We are a package deal." She smiles at me and moves around the counter towards me.

"But... I... " I'm silenced by fear, not just fear of what will happen if I go with her. Fear of what will happen if I don't. Fear of how she's looking at me right now.

"I don't expect you to forgive them, or even be nice to them. It's the only way I can go. I have to have you with me. Besides, they might only be guessing about me being the one in danger. Either one of us could be the target."

Suddenly, I am gripped with a new fear. "It's kind of a long ride."

She laughs and reaches for my hand. "Don't worry. I can trade that bike in for a very nice car."

I can't help myself, she's standing so close, and there is electricity where she is touching my hand. I lean in and kiss her lightly on the lips. It's brief, but I feel like it's the first time my heart has ever beat before.

"I just had to promise you a car to get you to kiss me?"

My eyes light up, and I lean in, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her again. Lips parted slightly and pressing my body against hers. The kiss and contact are brief again, now isn't the right time for this, whatever it might be. I'm having a hard time letting go, having her in my arms feels beyond amazing.

She smiles sweetly as I reluctantly unwrap my arms from her and back away. "I'm going to make some phone calls, can you be ready to go in a couple of hours?"

I nod and head upstairs to pack. I'm not sure how long we'll be gone, but I figure it will be a while. I don't have all that many possessions anyway, just about everything I owned was destroyed along with the rest of Sunnydale. Dawn took any keepsakes we might have had when she moved out.

I can hear her negotiating with someone downstairs.

"OK deal, can you have it here in two hours?"

"Great, see you then. Thanks for this." I hear a deep sigh, and I can guess her next call will probably be to Willow.

"Hey."

"Yeah, we're going to leave in a couple of hours. I think we can be there in three days."

"I know, it'll be ok."

"Right, I'll keep you updated."

I'm relieved. It sounds like that call went easier than she probably expected. She comes up, and I can hear her packing. After a few minutes, the movement stops, so I go to check on her. She's sitting on the bed, with two backpacks by her side.

"Everything ok?"

"Five by five."

"Still no idea what that means. I guess we didn't need two hours to get ready to go." I hold up my bags with my meager possessions and smile. "We should eat whatever food is left. It might be a while before we get back here."

"Sure, ok."

"Could I borrow your phone?"

"Of course." She holds it out to me, and I take it and return to my room, as she moves downstairs to take care of the food situation.

I see only a few numbers are programmed into the address book. I quickly find the one I was hoping for and listen as it rings.

"Faith?" I hear the chipper voice of Dawn on the other end.

"It's Buffy," I reply, trying to keep my voice even. I'm not expecting a warm response to my call.

"Buffy? Hi!" I'm surprised, to hear Dawn's voice greeting me so cheerfully.

I pause for a second, not sure of what I even wanted to say. I find my voice and ask, "How have you been? Is school going well?"

"Things are great. School is a lot of work, but I'm learning a ton. How have you been?" Her voice gets a little cautious at that last part.

"Better. A lot better." I smile as I can tell that's it's true.

"I'm glad to hear that. Is everything OK over there? How is Faith?"

"There is some slayer trouble here. We're going to move up to the slayer compound soon." I hear a slight gasp at this.

"As in both of you?"

"Yeah, it's the only way to keep everyone safe."

"Are you... "

I answer before she can finish, what she's going to ask. "It's going to be an adjustment, but I think things will be ok." I pause, closing my eyes. "I wanted to apologize for how hard things were after Sunnydale. I didn't understand what was happening, why I was so angry all the time. But… Faith helped me make sense of it, and now I'm trying to be better."

"Did you finally figure out that you love each other?"

"What!? What makes you say that."

"I guess not…" I can hear her giggling at me.

"Well, we're still trying to figure things out."

"I'm glad to hear things are better for you, and hopefully for Faith." I am relieved that she doesn't chastise me for all that I did in the past. I remember more and more times when Dawn defended Faith and tried to act as a shield between us. She might have known more about what we were feeling than anyone else did.

"I hope things are better for her too. It has to be a little bit better now that I'm ..."

"Not being a complete bitch all the time?"

I laugh, "Yeah, not all the time anyway."

"Did you want to talk to Xander?"

I sigh, "Not yet. After all this is over, maybe I can come out and see you both?"

"I would like that."

"Maybe you could at least tell him, that things are better? I've got a lot to work through, I'm still trying to figure out how to let go of all the bad feelings, but I am trying."

"Sure, I'll tell him."

"Thanks, I've got to get going. Make sure you stay safe."

"I will."

I end the call and smile. There's another call I should probably make, but I'm not ready. I just want to take a moment to enjoy that the call to Dawn went pretty well before I try to talk to anyone else. The phone rings in my hand, breaking me out of my happy thoughts. I see Willow's name flash on the screen and sigh. Might as well get this over with.

"Hello?"

"Buffy?" Her voice is filled with confusion and not anger, that's a good start at least. "Is Faith OK?"

"Yeah, she's fine. Just downstairs eating all the food before we leave. Is there new information?"

"Yeah, I uh... Just wanted to.." She sounds strange. "Giles wants Faith to fly back with him. He thinks that will be safer."

I clench my jaw, trying to remain calm. Because I am trying to be a better person, I decided to try and talk this through with her and not freak out, as much as I want to. I take a calming breath, and something else occurs to me. "Willow? What did Xander tell me you said just before I had to fight Angel to stop Acathla?"

"What? Why would you ask me that now?"

"Answer the question."

"I don't remember." Her voice is nervous, and now I'm sure something is wrong. As bad as things are between us, I can't believe she'd ever forget that. Without another word, I end the call and run downstairs.


	6. Chapter 6

Faith's POV

"I think we have a serious problem." Buffy comes into the kitchen, looking very concerned.

"A more serious problem than we already had?"

She explains to me about the phone call from Willow.

"Damn, and you're sure it wasn't her."

"Very sure, there's no way Willow would have forgotten that. I just hope it really was Dawn I was talking to."

"You called Dawn?" I was expecting that's who she would have called, but I was still nervous to learn what they might have talked about. I told Dawn about how things have been improving between Buffy and me. I told her that I realized I having non-friendly feelings towards B and she just laughed. Telling me, she always knew how I felt.

When she still lived here, we would spend a lot of time talking, and she would always tease me for sticking around. Hinting that there was a reason why I stayed. I never took it seriously, but it seems like she was right. It's probably a good thing I didn't believe her. I don't even want to think what would have happened if B thought I had feelings for her then.

"Yeah, I wanted her to know I was... Better."

"Did she seem like Dawn?"

"It has been a while, but yeah. I think so. She wasn't all that surprised to hear from me, and she also seemed to know things…" Her voice trails off, seeming nervous about whatever Dawn might have told her. I can guess what the brat might have said.

"Yeah... I've been keeping in touch with her. I might have mentioned that things were getting better..." She narrows her eyes at me as if considering whether or not she should be upset that I've been talking to her little sister about whatever it is that's happening between us. She seems to decide against being upset, and her face softens. It's yet another sign that things really have changed, even a month ago this same conversation would have ended in yelling and screaming.

"I guess we're going to have to quiz each other or something whenever we use these phones."

"It could be that outgoing calls are ok, but incoming ones can be faked somehow." I worry that the call I made to set-up the car might have been fake, but I don't see how. There's nothing I can do about it now if it was.

"You should call Willow and see if she knows anything." She holds the phone out to me, and I shake my head.

"Not yet, we have to try to make sense of this."

"Should we still leave? Aren't we safer in here than on the road? We'll have to stay in hotels, where it would be easy to attack us." She frowns and sits down at the table.

"Could Giles be part of this? He was extra ass-y when he was here." It'd be so nice to have some magical explanation for why he acts the way he does. I don't think it's that easy though.

"Wouldn't he have been nicer if he was trying to lure you into a trap?" She has a point. There was no chance of me going with him with the way he was acting.

"I don't think we can figure this out alone." I groan and pick up the phone to call Willow, putting the call on speaker.

"Faith?"

"Hey Red, did you just call here and talk to Buffy?"

"No..."

"Willow - what did you tell Xander to tell me before I had to go fight Angel and stop Acathla." Buffy chimes in, this must be what she asked the fake Willow earlier

"Buffy?" She pauses confused for a second. "I told him to let you know I was working on the spell to restore Angel's soul."

I see Buffy smile, and I know that's the right answer. "Do you remember what he actually told me you said."

"Kick his ass." I frown, thinking how hard that must have been for her. I reach out and put a comforting hand on hers. She smiles back at me. I know that she no longer holds onto the pain of having to kill her first love, that time anyway. I'm not sure either of us has dealt with him being gone for real now. I wonder how different things could have been for us if I hadn't arrived when I did. None of that matters now though, this is where we are.

"Ok, now that we've established everyone is who we think they are… Do you think it's safe for us to travel to you? We'll have to go off the grid since it seems like they've found some way to pretend to be other people on the phone. Maybe they can track us with these things too."

"It's going to be dangerous either way. It seems safer for everyone if you're here though. We can't talk about anything on the phone, just in case they're able to listen. Try to get here as fast as you can. I wish I could teleport you both here, but I haven't figured that out yet. I can only transport myself, and it takes a ton of energy. My last visit wiped me out." Her voice is scared and tired. She's probably been researching endlessly, trying to find a solution. I want to be mad at her for not telling us that something was wrong sooner. I want to be mad at her for not apologizing to Buffy, but now isn't the time for any of that.

"Ok, we'll get there as fast as we can," I say and reach to end the call. I have a possible solution to our travel needs, and I'll need to find some way to communicate them without using the phones.

"Willow?" Buffy calls out softly just before I can hang up.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry.. about .. well everything." She frowns, staring at the phone, waiting for some kind of response.

"I'm sorry too. What Faith said… I'm just so sorry." She sounds like she's on the verge of tears.

"I don't want to be angry with you anymore. You were my best friend." I feel like I'm intruding and move to leave the room, but she holds my hand and nods that she wants me to stay. I can hear Willow crying on the other end. They've both made so many mistakes with their friendship. I hope they can find a way to repair it. For both their sakes. As angry as I am at Red, I know they need each other.

Willow is sniffling now, trying to regain her composure. "I feel the same way. Once this is over, I hope we can spend some time together."

"Definitely." Her face lights up and so does mine. I have real hope now that things won't be as bad as she thinks they will be once we get there. If she and Willow can be friends again, dealing with the rest of the slayers shouldn't be a problem.

"We're going to start planning our escape now, don't expect to hear from us again."

"I hope we have answers for you by the time you get here. Stay safe." The call disconnects, and we both stare at the phone.

"So what are we going to do?" She finally looks up at me. I'm surprised by her asking me for what we should do, even after everything I expect her to be in charge. It's another thing that's different about her now. She sincerely seems to want to know what I think.

"We'll just have to find a way to get there safely." I'm probably not as worried as I should be about driving there. There is another faster option, but I'm kind of looking forward to having that time to ourselves. It would give us a lot of time to talk and figure out what is going on between us. After our kiss, I find myself not caring about any of this as much as I should be. I'm too busy trying to decide how much of a mistake it was and wondering when it will happen again.

"With Angelus gone, maybe they're disorganized? Maybe they won't be able to come after us." I do my best to push away my naughty thoughts and stay focused on our current problems.

"Maybe." I don't have any idea what the right thing to do is. I can't handle the thought of putting her in danger or letting myself be used to destroy the slayer line.

There's a knock at the door. "Maybe the car is early?" I go to answer the door, but she stops me.

"Do you sense anything out there?" She looks at the door nervously, clutching my arm protectively.

"No, nothing demonic. And it's still daytime, so can't be a vamp."

She nods, and I open the door.

"Giles? What are you doing here?" I am more startled than angry, though the anger isn't too far behind.

"What do you mean? You called me and said you were going to come with me after all."

"That wasn't me." I grit my teeth as I reply. I feel Buffy put a calming hand on my arm and I try to relax.

"Giles, why don't you come in so we can talk?" Buffy offers, Giles' face is stern as he agrees and enters our home. It's taking all I have to move so he can enter. "We'll be right back." She comments to him and pulls me upstairs.

"What are you doing? How could you let him in here?" I frown, confused as to why she seems to be trying to play nice with him.

"We need his help, whatever it is that's going on is more than we can deal with on our own." Her eyes filled with sadness. I can't stand seeing her so upset, and my rage starts to boil over again. I turn to leave, but she grabs me and pulls me close. "He might have been awful to me, but I don't believe he ever truly intended to hurt me, or anyone else." I turn away, looking downstairs, frowning at the thought of him in my house, sitting on my couch. "Faith, please. After this is over and you are safe we'll never have to deal with him again." She says my name a lot, something about the way she says it cuts right through me. It makes me want to do anything she says.

"Until the next crisis," I grumble and frown. "Why can't he just admit to what he's done? I don't understand why he treats you this way."

"I don't know, but it doesn't matter anymore. I no longer think of him as a father figure, he doesn't mean anything to me. We have to move forward." She smiles sweetly at me, echoing what I said to her earlier. I know she's right, I just don't want him in our house.

"Faith? We really should be going now." I see Giles' face appear at the bottom of the stairs. His eyes go wide as he sees us standing here, holding each other tightly, our foreheads pressed together. "Oh, I.. didn't... I.."

I turn from him and hope he'll go away. I don't want to think about him or any of this anymore. I just want a moment of peace, a moment to enjoy the fact that Buffy is in my arms. Giving into my desires and ignoring all logic and reason, I lean in and kiss her. She reacts immediately, deepening the kiss and pulling me closer. All I can think about is how much I want her. She's running her hands through my hair, gripping my neck tightly. I couldn't back away even if I wanted to. I push her up against the wall, and she wraps her legs around me. The wall starts to crack under the pressure.

A knock at the door pulls me out of this fantasy turned real. We both groan as she releases me from her grip around my neck. I'm still holding her up, pressing her against the wall. I lean my forehead against hers, panting from exertion and desire.

"Do you mind getting the door?" I call downstairs. I'm not ready to let this contact end, even though I know it can go no further, at least not right now.

"What if it's a demon?" Buffy asks quietly.

I shrug, "let them take him." Right now I don't care at all about demons or vampires.

"Uh...Faith? There's a gentleman here with your car. He wants to speak with you." I groan at the sound of Giles' voice.

"Be right there." I run my fingertips gently over her lips, and she starts to unwrap her legs, lowering slowly to the ground. "To be continued." I smile and kiss her again. Reluctantly, I tear myself away and head downstairs.

Buffy's POV

She's gone to deal with the car, and I'm left standing here, still leaning against the wall, trying to catch my breath. What the hell just happened? No kiss in the history of kisses has felt that amazing. I touch my lips gently. They're still buzzing as is every other place she touched. I can still feel her lips on mine, her hands on my hips. I've never felt anything like this before. What has she done to me? I can't seem to stop smiling, so it must be good, whatever it is.

She's outside, and Giles has returned to the living room. I slowly push myself away from the wall and head downstairs. Maybe I can get through to him, and maybe we can figure out how to get through this.

He's sitting there, looking at the floor. Hands clasped together like a chastised child.

"Giles?" I call gently to him. He looks up, and I can't read his expression, I suddenly have no idea what to say or do.

"I'm glad to see you two are .. uh getting along so well." He looks nervous and confused, I want to punch his face.

"I'm glad too. It's all pretty new." I move slowly to the chair across from him and sit, trying to remember what it is that I want to say to him. I've imagined this conversation countless times, but somehow no words will come to mind.

"Oh? Since when?" I still want to punch his face.

"Since - Now-ish." I grin remembering just moments ago, my body still tingling from her contact. My desire to punch him is slightly less, but only because I know we need his help.

Now that the pleasantries are over, I brace myself for what I really want to talk about. "We have to figure out how to cooperate here. We need you, and you need us, well at least Faith. And we're a package deal. Can you figure out how to stop being such a jackass?"

"What! What have I done that you would speak to me this way?" I almost laugh at how childish his response seems.

"So - that's a no on the not being a jackass idea?" I cross my arms over my chest and lean back in the chair. I'm trying to be the bigger person here. I spent all this time pushing everyone away, and that's what I want to do now. But I know I can't do that anymore. We need their help. I can't let anything happen to her.

"Buffy, you are being unreasonable. I don't know what I've done to you to deserve your anger. All I've ever done was to care for you."

Tears build in my eyes at his words, but I push them away. I told Faith I no longer cared about this man, but despite all logic and reason, I do. I can't help but be demolished by his complete lack of understanding. "I'm going to need you to be quiet and let me say all the things I want to say. When I'm done, you can do whatever you want. But know that Faith and I are going to be together in whatever happens next." I take his silence as acceptance of my request. It occurs to me that I just declared that Faith and I will be together, no matter what.

I take a deep breath and stare directly at him, refocusing my thoughts on him as much as I don't want to. I force myself to keep eye contact while I speak. "My own father abandoned me. I haven't seen or talked to him in years. I don't even know if he's alive or dead. For a time you filled that void for me. I thought you cared for me as if I were your daughter. You were supposed to train me, teach me how to be a slayer. Maybe since slayers aren't meant to live very long, you thought I didn't need to be treated like a person."

"Buffy - I"

"Still talking," I cut him off, annoyed that he still doesn't get it. "My mother died. Then I died. I made the ultimate sacrifice to save the world, and still, you treat me like a child. You treat me like someone who doesn't matter or have any value. I'm guessing you still believe you were right, that I should have killed Dawn. I should have killed my sister instead of dying myself." I'm disappointed to see him nod slightly, but not at all surprised.

I continue my tirade, "I was ripped out of heaven, and then you abandoned me. Lost and confused, completely alone and you just left, I was barely 20, and you left! You expected me to just figure out how to be an adult. How to take care of myself and my sister with no resources!" My fury is rising at the memories of all I've been through. I'm losing control of what I'm saying, all the pain is falling out of me. I stand and begin pacing in front of him.

"You are beyond unbelievable. Did the council train all the humanity out of you when you became a watcher? I've been in hell these past three years. You never even tried to help me. If you cared about me, you would have seen what you had done. You would know how you betrayed me." I'm staring at him now furiously. I'm not making any sense, but I just don't have the right words to explain to him how much he hurt me. I look at his blank, wide eyes and am only filled with fury. I want him to show remorse, some indication that he gets it.

"Forget it. Trying to explain it to you is pointless. You're just an arrogant prick with no compassion. I hope you aren't watcher for any of the new slayers. They might not have someone in their lives like Faith to rescue them from your torment." I can see my words finally stung him and I'm glad.

I head outside to see if Faith is done dealing with the car. I'm surprised to find her standing on the porch. She must have been listening and waiting for me to finish before entering. "I'm so sorry, B."

"It'll be ok. I wish I had better words to explain what he's done to me." I sigh and turn to re-enter the house. "Let's get this over with, we need to come up with a plan." She grabs me from behind and pulls me close, arms wrapped around my stomach. I cover them with my own and sigh. Loving the feeling of her arms around me. Wishing that none of this was happening, that we could have time to ourselves to figure things out.

"We will get through this. I promise." I can feel her hot breath on my ear, and it sends a shudder through my body. My anger and thoughts of Giles temporarily lost. I close my eyes and relax into her arms. After a few moments, reality returns to me. I sigh and begin to pull away. She lets me re-enter the house, but she is close behind, holding my hand.

I see Giles in the living room, tears in his eyes. "Buffy, I'm... I'm so sorry." I can tell he means it, that maybe he understands how much he hurt me.

"Sorry about what exactly?" Faith moves up beside me wrapping her arms around my waist protectively as she speaks.

"Everything you said is true. I did think of you as a daughter. I still do." He frowns pulling his glasses off and pinching his nose. "I won't try to make excuses for my behavior, that isn't fair to you." Putting his glasses back on he stands to face me. "I will do better."

I want to believe him, and I want to accept his apology. Not for him, but for me. I need to be free of his hold over me. I don't think we're there yet but now isn't the time. I give him a slight nod, and he smiles in return. "So what is the plan? How were you going to get Faith to the compound safely?"

"I was going to drive her back."

"And where were you going to spend the nights?"

"I uh…" He looks away. Obviously, he hadn't thought any of this through.

I sigh, I had hoped he had some great plan. I try not to show my irritation. "I guess with we'll be a little safer with three of us."

"Don't worry. I have it covered. We'll leave in about an hour." Faith smiles and leads me away. "You might want to turn the TV on or something." She smirks at Giles as we head upstairs.

"Faith?" She only smiles and pulls me into her bedroom.

Before I can say anything, she has me pinned against the wall again. I quickly wrap my legs around her and hold on tightly. Loving the feeling of her hands gripping me, holding me up and our bodies pressed together.

Despite how much I want this, I still have to ask. "Are you sure? What if.." I trail off, not sure what I'm trying to ask.

"What if what? Don't you want me?" I see the hurt and confusion in her eyes. I want to tell her that this is about a lot more than wanting her, that it's about something far deeper. I'm not ready to say it, and I don't think she's ready to hear it. I decide to keep us in the moment, keep it about wanting and desire.

"I want you more than I have words for." I've never felt anything even close to this. It's like I've been in the dark my whole life and someone finally turned on the lights.

"Then what is the problem?" She grins at me, I find myself lost staring at her lips, wishing they were on mine, wishing we didn't have doom hanging over our heads.

What if you realize this is a terrible mistake? What if I don't deserve you? What if I hurt you? Those are the questions I want to ask, but I don't I'm too afraid that if I say them out loud she'll come to her senses. I convince myself that I won't let any of it be true. I will be who I need to be for this to work. "What if I can't handle being around all those people and I lose myself again? What if something happens to you?" I choke out the last part, barely able to handle the idea of her being hurt. There's one thing I'm surprised that I'm not afraid of, and that is that she's going to revert to her old ways. Her whole get some, get gone philosophy. If that was who she still was, there's no way that she would have stayed with me all this time.

She's still holding me up, but she's backed away slightly. A look of concern in her eyes. "Can't we just enjoy each other? Our whole lives are about what if. Every day we wake up wondering if this will be our last. I don't want to worry anymore. I just want to share something wonderful with you. Can you do that?" Her eyes are mesmerizing, they're dark and dreamy. She shifts slightly, leaning harder against me. My body is on fire, my brain is deactivated. My hands are acting on their own, sliding under her shirt and over her smooth skin.

I smile and pull her closer. "I can do that," I whisper and press my lips to hers.

Giles POV

How could I have been so wrong all this time? I cared so deeply for her that I had to cut myself off. I worked so hard to try to keep her safe, that I forgot that she is a person with feelings. She might be right about the council training the humanity out of me. We were always taught not to care for our wards. They were disposable soldiers in the war against evil. I told myself I never really felt that way, but with how I've acted, maybe I was deceiving myself.

When we found out that she had been in heaven, part of me shut down completely. I haven't even let myself think about that since. I couldn't bear to watch her continue to suffer. Instead of trying to ease her suffering I just added to it. I should have stayed and fought for her, helped her take care of herself and Dawn. I should have put aside my own pain. I was completely selfish.

When I did return to Sunnydale, she was different. She didn't need me anymore. I didn't know how to be around her and too arrogant to admit that I had made a mistake. I wasn't her watcher, was I supposed to be her friend? We appeared to get along well enough, but when things got hard, I got harder. Instead of realizing she had grown into the adult I had encouraged her to be, I could only see her as a child. I was petty and jealous when I saw her taking command, realizing that she didn't need me to guide her any longer. If she ever did. Did I ever really help guide her? Or did she guide me?

She didn't even mention Spike. Perhaps I still held resentment for Angel. Angelus tortured me and killed the love of my life. She killed him to save the world, but then lied when he returned. Continued to defend him despite how dangerous he was. Now I hear she killed him without a second thought. How might our lives have been different if I had never let her spend time with him? Though I suppose it's egotistical of me to think that I could have kept them apart.

She was just a child, I treated her like an adult when I should have been trying to guide her, and I treated her like a child when she had figured out on her own how to be an adult.

And she and Faith appear to be in a relationship? Last I heard they were not getting along at all. I wonder what changed? I was completely shocked when Willow told me what Faith had said to her. I immediately dismissed it as being irrational and unfair, but upon reflection, every word of it was true. I see now that Faith is not what I always assumed her to be. I never gave her much of a chance to prove she was anything beyond what she appeared. I should have seen through her act and realized there was much more to her. So many things could have been different for us all if I had tried with her. I can blame Wesley, but it's not his fault. I gave up on Faith before he was even involved.

After we destroyed the Hellmouth, I was relieved that Buffy didn't want me around. Though I was not happy about the manner in which she told me to leave, it was quite a shock how quickly her demeanor changed after the Hellmouth was destroyed. Before the battle, it appeared that we were all getting along fine. It was foolish of me not to realize there would be long-lasting effects from the way we treated her. How could I have doubted her leadership and decision-making after everything we had been through together? It's her judgment and actions that kept the world from ending countless times before.

I've spent all these years engrossed in my work, focusing on preparing the new slayers. I do avoid direct contact with them though as much as possible. I never really thought about why, but truthfully I can't bring myself to become attached to another slayer. Many of them will die, and all involved know it.

I barged in here, expecting Faith to just return with me. It didn't even occur to me that she wouldn't want to come. By all accounts, these two were never close. I should have known they wouldn't have been still living together after all this time if they didn't have some kind of connection.

Even if Faith had been willing to come with me, how could I think it would have been a good idea to leave Buffy alone here? Just because we assume Faith is their target, doesn't mean Buffy wouldn't be in danger. I didn't even consider her in all this.

I always believed I was right, that I was just making the hard choices that a leader has to make. It turns out that I am just an arrogant jackass after all.

I don't know if we'll ever be close again, but I will treat her with the respect she deserves.

Now how do you turn the volume up on this blasted thing?


	7. Chapter 7

Faith's POV

I can't believe this is finally happening. It's way too soon, but right now I don't care. Holding her in my arms, feeling her respond to my touch - I've been waiting for this since we met and I didn't even know it. I can feel and sense everything around me more clearly. I can even sense her again. If I close my eyes, I can still see her energy floating in front of me.

She tells me she wants me more than she had words for, and I get that, I have no words either, only burning fiery desire. Only a need that cannot possibly be denied. I know this is right, it's what we were meant to have. All my fears and doubts melt away, there is only her. Only Buffy. I've never done this before, never with a girl, never with anyone I cared about at all. It's so completely different. It's not just our bodies that are connecting. Our hearts, our souls, and our slayers are calling to each other.

I want to feel all of her and for to feel all of me. I want to know that we are one. Everything either of us has ever done was to lead up to this moment so that we could have this feeling. I'm gripping her with all that I have, on a regular person it would leave nasty bruises, I'm not sure she'll even notice. There is nothing violent or aggressive in our actions, the walls and the furniture might disagree.

Carrying her away from the wall, to the bed. I kiss her with all that I have, our tongues fighting for power, neither finding the edge. Both glad to submit to the other and fight for domination at the same time. Clothes are torn off and discarded without a thought. My hands make their way over every possible inch of her flesh. Loving the sensation, knowing that this is the ultimate right and wrong at the same time. Relinquishing any sanity to how good it feels to touch her and be touched by her.

She gets the upper hand, flipping me onto my back, nipping delightfully at my neck. I feel my body give in to her, everything that I have is hers, and she takes it willingly. I let her have control for several long minutes, letting my body revel in her touches. I regain some sense of myself and break free, launching her off of me, she crashes into the door, knocking it to the ground. I quickly follow, picking her up as I go, crashing into her room. Falling on the bed and continuing the contact. Loving her with every part of myself.

I'm able to let go of myself completely, my desires completely control me. We pull and rip at each other in a way no other earthly being could tolerate. For us, though it's bliss. It's magic. Our touches simultaneously hurt and soothe. All these years of pent-up emotions are exploding out of us.

She's calling my name, a name that I never thought about before, but now, seems to hold so much meaning. As I caress, lick and thrust my way into hearing it screamed over and over. Nothing means more to me now than hearing her call my name in complete ecstasy. Just as I know, I'll be screaming her name the same way once I relinquish control.

I'm not even fully aware of what we're doing, my body is reacting to hers. It knows exactly what she needs, and it gives it to her. It should be terrifying, but I won't let the tiny voice in my head that's scared of everything good have any power over me anymore.

I lay on my back. She is wrapped around me like a blanket. Our bodies are slick with sweat, our fingers intertwined resting on my stomach. I'm replaying the events of the last hour in my head, wondering when we'll have time to do it again. Her voice brings me out of my delirium.

"You broke another door." She smiles and nestles her face into my neck.

"I do seem to have a problem with that."

"Faith? Buffy?" I hear Giles' voice call softly from downstairs and I groan. Forced back into reality. We have to get going.

"We'll be down soon." I attempt to sit up and roll away, but she won't let me. "We have to go." She mumbles something incomprehensible into my neck. Instead of arguing I wrap my arms around her and lift her as I stand. "We can go like this if you want to. You know I don't mind public nudity."

She smirks at me, and then her eyes go wide. "Shit."

"What? Are you ok? You're not…" freaking out about what we just did. I don't finish my question, afraid that if I ask it she'll be offended. Afraid that it will erase the most amazing hour of my life.

"Giles."

"What about him?" I'm relieved and confused that she's worried about Giles right now.

"Why is he here?"

"They tricked him… shit." We should have realized this sooner. I was so caught up in her that I wasn't thinking. She slides off me to stand, but her arms are still around my neck, her head resting on my shoulder.

"So now what do we do? Why could they possibly want him to be with us?"

"Maybe since they know his plan? But no, they would have known that we would have realized it was a trick." My mind is racing, I feel guilty for being so wrapped up in my need for her that I didn't notice this problem sooner. I feel even more guilty that I wouldn't have changed a second of it.

"The fake call from Willow was trying to get you to go with him too. But the plan then was to fly."

"I guess we better get dressed and try to find out if he knows anything."

"It's a good thing you kept your plan secret. Will it still work?"

"I think so," I'm worried though, with my plan we'll be more vulnerable to instant death, but it doesn't seem like they want us dead. If we're dead, they can't use us against the rest of the slayers.

Buffy's POV

I bounce down the stairs carrying my bags, I've never felt anything close to this in my entire life. Everything is humming. The world seems brighter. I can sense Faith again too, which is amazing. I hadn't even realized how much I missed our connection until it came back. Ever since the spell, I hadn't been able to feel her at all, but I was too annoyed with life to talk to her about it when she tried. Now her energy is bright and pulsing. It's far stronger than it ever was before. I watch her as she comes down the stairs carrying her bags. Our eyes are locked and I know she's having all the same thoughts I am.

I am worried about why Giles is here. There must be some reason they wanted him with us. Or maybe they wanted us to send him away again. I want to believe that he isn't knowingly involved in any of this, but that doesn't mean it's safe to have him near us. If we send him away, they could capture him, try to use him against us. But wouldn't they have done that already? Argh.

I don't want to deal with reality. I don't want to move to Cleveland or spend who knows how many hours cramped in a car with Giles. All I want is to go back upstairs with her. Giles knocks me out of my fantasies.

"Are you two ready to go?" He asks cautiously, not wanting to be too pushy, but also running out of patience.

"Ready as we'll ever be I guess," I answer, still staring at Faith.

"Are you going to share your plan?" Giles asks.

"Nah, you'll see soon enough." She looks slightly more annoyed than I would like. She probably feels guilty for not thinking something was up with Giles sooner. I have the same guilt, but I wouldn't take back the past hour for anything.

We head outside, and I don't see the car she was supposedly trading the bike for. She grins at my confusion and heads towards Giles' rental car. We throw our bags in the trunk, and I climb into the back, I'm pleased that she follows me. Giles grimaces and falls into the driver's seat. "Care to tell me where we're going?"

Instead of answering she leans between the seats and enters an address in the GPS. As she settles back down to her seat, she reaches across to hold my hand and stares out the window. I wish I knew what she was thinking, or that we could talk freely. Not knowing if Giles is evil, or that there might be a listening device in the car, we opt to stay silent.

The destination is a little over an hour away. It's an address I don't recognize. Though that isn't very surprising. I frown a little remembering how little I know of what she's been doing all this time. She sees my frown and wipes it away with a gentle kiss. We drive for about 40 minutes, "stop here." She calls to Giles, he looks concerned but does as she asks. Pulling over to the side of the road in the middle of nowhere.

"What's going on, why are we stopping here?"

"We're going to go for a little walk." She smiles and climbs out of the car. "You too, G," she calls over her shoulder when Giles doesn't instantly react. "Leave your phone."

We walk about 200 yards into the woods when she finally stops. I stay quiet, trying to sense if there is anything lurking in the woods that might be listening.

"What's this all about?" Giles asks, finally seeming to run out of patience.

"What exactly did I say to you when I called?"

"I thought that wasn't you?" I'm back to wanting to punch his smug face. He claimed to have some awareness of what he's done to me, I guess that doesn't mean he's not still going to be his usual arrogant self.

"It wasn't, but we're trying to figure out why they might have wanted you with us," I answer, hoping to keep things civil.

He frowns, "Truthfully, it was just a text message. It said to return to the house, that you were going to travel with me willingly."

"Was there ever a plan for you to fly back?" I ask, still trying to piece this together.

"That was our initial intention. I flew down here. It only changed to driving, when the text message reminded me of Faith's fugitive status."

All this time, I had forgotten about that. She was still on the run, Faith should have been far away from California, but she stayed with me, risking getting caught again. I can tell from the tight look on her face that she hadn't forgotten.

"Ok, so first they knew you were going to fly back, but then they changed to wanting us to drive back." She says, running her fingers through her hair in exasperation.

"Maybe if you told me more of what was going on I could be of more assistance."

"Maybe you should shut your face." I jump between them, putting my hands on Faith's shoulders and pushing her away.

"Faith, we have to figure this out. Attacking Giles isn't going to help us right now."

"Unless he's in on it! Then it might help a lot."

"You can't possibly believe that I would be involved in anything that might hurt the slayer line!"

"Screw this. We're never going to know what their plan is. You get yourself to Cleveland, and I'll get us there. Then we don't have to worry about trusting you."

She reaches for my hand and drags me further into the woods. "Faith? Where are we going?"

"To visit a friend." Her speed picks up, and I'm forced to pace. We run for thirty minutes without stopping. Finally, I see a large house through the trees. She stops, and we catch our breath. There is a clear perimeter to the property, with armed guards patrolling. I sense only humans in the area, which calms me slightly.

"What is this place?"

"I told you, a friend." I'm confused at how cold she's suddenly being. I can't remember the last time she snapped at me, at least when I didn't deserve it.

"Faith?" I squeeze her hand to get her attention.

"What?" She snaps again and then looks at me sighing. "Sorry, I just really didn't want you to find out about this."

"Afraid I'll be upset that you've been hanging out with criminals?"

"What? How did you…"

"I'm not quite as dumb as I look," I smirk and pull her close.

"So you're not mad?"

I'm hurt that she doesn't trust me enough to tell me everything, but I also don't think I've done anything to earn that trust yet. All I've done since I've known her was to judge her. "No, of course not. I'm sure you had good reasons."

"It's not like with the mayor, I swear. I never hurt anyone."

"Faith, I never thought that for a second. I trust you."

Faith's POV

She says my name again, she says she trusts me, I believe her. Her arms are wrapped around me, I lean my forehead against hers. Breathing in her scent, feeling her warmth. I want to pull her back into the woods, but there isn't time. Besides if this goes the way I hope, we'll have some time to ourselves soon enough.

"Let's get this over with. Follow my lead." I drag her to the compound and wait for the guard to pass. I nod to her, and we leap over the wall, landing silently on the other side. We wind our way to the back patio. There are sounds of a party, no guards visible, but I know they're there. I hold my hands out away from my body, showing that they are empty, I nod for B to do the same.

We slowly approach, luckily he sees me right away and sends a silent signal to his guards. He motions his head towards the house, and we quickly make our way in that direction.

"Things didn't quite work out the way you'd hoped?" He grins at me.

"Not quite, I still want to do what we planned, just need another way to get there."

"Your bike is out front." I look over to B, and she shudders but nods.

"Perfect. Thanks for everything." I shake his hand. "We're even now."

"No, I don't think we'll ever be even. I'll be here for anything you need." He smiles at me, and I nod. He's always been so kind and welcoming to me, I never let myself get too close. I couldn't risk falling into whatever shady business he has going on here.

We walk around to the front of the house, and I see the bike, I climb on, and B quickly follows. She wraps herself around me, and I take off down the driveway. Forty minutes later we pull up to our destination. It's a small commuter airport, and I can tell by the way her jaw dropped that this was not what she was expecting.

We get settled on the plane in silence, I'm nervous that something could still go wrong. I recognize the pilots though, I know they're loyal guys. The plane is small, there are only 20 seats, but their big comfy ones that recline. I pick a window seat, and she takes the one next to me.

"I should probably explain."

"Only if you want to." I can tell the curiosity is getting to her, but I'm really telling her because I don't like the idea of keeping secrets from her. I don't want to hide any part of myself, even the parts I'm not proud of.

"I was out on patrol when we first got here, and I stumbled across his compound. I had been following the scent of something, I just wasn't sure what it was. There were at least 10 of these giant horned demons, they had broken through the wall and they were attacking his guards. All that they had to defend themselves were guns, and that wasn't doing anything."

"Did you have any weapons?" Her eyes are locked on mine as I speak. It's a weird feeling to have her paying attention to me so openly. In the past she would always appear disinterested when I told stories, only joining in to say something mean. Those memories still sting, but it also gives me something to compare to. I know she's different now, and I want to believe who she is now is who she was always meant to be. It's who she could have been if I hadn't screwed everything up.

"Only my trusty stake, I had to improvise. I took out the first demon by sneaking up and snapping its neck. I broke off one of its horns to use against its buddies."

"I would have liked to have seen that."

"It was actually wicked gross. The bullets didn't hurt them much but did make a lot of oozing wounds. I was covered in this yellow slime by the end of it." She frowns, I'm sure regretting that she wasn't by my side and helping me. "Hey, it was no big deal. They didn't even get a hit on me, too big, dumb and slow. After that, I came back a few other times, helped trained his guys, and showed them things they could do if demons attacked again. Silvio was so grateful that he promised to help me anytime I needed it."

Buffy furrows her brow in thought for a second. "Silvio? Wait. Did you ever see him do anything criminal?"

"No, not exactly." What is she getting at? I did my best to stay away from anything criminal. Not just because I didn't want to end up back in jail, but I wanted to be good. I wanted to make the right decisions for myself.

"Maybe we're both as dumb as we look."

"What?"

"I thought I recognized him. He's not a criminal at all. He's just this super rich recluse."

"Wow, ok. So that's a huge relief." I feel extra dumb now, "I never asked him what his deal was. What kind of non-criminal has armed guards everywhere? I just figured he was a mafia boss or something."

"A super paranoid billionaire I guess."

We're in the air now, I didn't even notice when the plane took off. She's undone her seatbelt and stretching in her seat. My eyes track her, entranced by her movements, her shirt rising up, exposing her stomach. "How long is this flight?" She asks moving from her seat to mine, undoing my belt and wrapping herself around me.

"About 4 hours I think."

"So we have 4 hours to ourselves?" My breath catches in my throat as she slides her hand under my shirt. Any thoughts of using this time to talk about anything else are gone.

Buffy's POV

What has she done to me?

I moan and lean into her fingers, I can't believe how amazing she feels. No matter where she touches, the contact surges through my entire body. I cannot get enough of it. I think by her responses that it's the same for her. I have a moment of dread where I worry about what's going to happen when we land. The thoughts are quickly washed away as she nips and licks at the soft flesh of my neck.

Things are different this time, the fire and passion are there, but it's not nearly as explosive. Which is probably a good thing, since we're on an airplane. There is no rush. We have time to fully explore each other. Though the confines of the airplane seats do make things a little challenging.

We land four short hours later, the time passed way too quickly. It is possible that I blacked out at some point since I find myself dressed and sitting back in my own seat. I want to ask her about it, but her eyes are closed. I don't think she's asleep, but I also don't want to disrupt whatever she's thinking about.

My stomach is tied in knots as I think about what's going to happen next. I start to worry about how everyone is going to react, playing the scenarios over and over in my head. I know the new slayers all like Faith more than they ever liked me. How are they going to react to me being there? On top of that, what will they think about Faith and I being together? Are we even together? We never talked about it. I know she's not big on relationships. Up until this second, I didn't even think about it. Maybe we should have spent a few minutes on the flight talking.

"You're shaking." Faith comments to me as we walk off the plane.

My entire body is clenched, my teeth grinding painfully. I take a deep breath and try to calm myself. It doesn't work. "Just.. nervous."

She smiles at me, and I start to relax slightly. "Just because a bunch of crazy vampires and demons are after us is no reason to be nervous."

"Like I'd ever be nervous about that." I stick my tongue out at her, and she laughs. "Demons and vampires I can handle. It's all the slayers I'm worried about."

"Don't worry, B. I'll take care of you."

"You make it sound so easy."

She shakes her head and wraps her arms around me. "I don't think it's going to be easy. I just know that we'll get through this together. If things get too hard, just talk to me. OK? You have to talk to me."

I nod my agreement and lean into her hug, resting my head on her shoulder and breathing in her scent. Wanting to feel her strength, wanting to believe that we'll get through this. Now might be a good time to talk, like she just asked me to, but I'm not ready. I'm suddenly afraid that it's not the same for her as it is for me. I want to put finding out off for just a little while longer.

"How do we get to the slayer compound?"

A car pulls up as we're discussing our plans, and Andrew hops out. "Buffy!" He runs towards me and I back away. "I'm so glad you're here!"

"Wha.." Now I'm freaking out a little. I remember that he was once evil and I move to a defensive stance. He doesn't seem to notice and wraps me in a big hug.

"It's ok, B. He's just a little overexcited."

"But why is he here?" No one was supposed to know when we were landing.

"I believe he's here to pick me up." Giles approaches, carrying all our bags. With a miserable look on his face. I groan looking at him.

"Sorry for ditching you in the woods." I offer, even though it wasn't exactly my decision I do feel kinda bad about it. "Thanks for bringing our bags."

"It was a logical decision. I'm glad you made it here safely." His voice is cold, I get the feeling any progress we might have achieved in healing our relationship has been undone. Once this is over, maybe we can try again. Right now my focus is Faith and stopping whatever this evil plot is.

Andrew and Faith bring our bags to the car. I climb into the back seat and Faith follows me. She keeps her distance, and I frown. We really should have tried to talk about what we were going to do when we got here. I don't know if she's assuming I won't want people to see us together, or if she doesn't want anyone to see. I don't at all regret how we spent the plane ride, but a few minutes to talk about things might have been a good idea.

I take calming breaths and stare at my hands. Andrew is babbling excitedly about something, but I'm not listening. Faith and Giles are responding to him, I assume someone will let me know if I'm needed in the conversation.

We arrive at the slayer compound, and I'm blown away as we pull up. Momentarily forgetting how terrified I am about what is about to happen. We had to be buzzed in through a gate at the base of the driveway. It wasn't even possible to see the main building from there. When it finally did come into sight, I gasped lightly. It was a mansion, with a huge sprawling yard. I could see a large barn off to one side, the doors open revealing about twenty slayers training.

The front doors to the main building open and Willow is standing there, my nerves return, and entire body starts trembling. And not in the delightful way that it was a few hours ago. Faith exits the car without even looking at me, and I feel myself start to panic. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I know she wouldn't just be abandoning me. I will not let myself freak out before we get a chance to talk.

Forcing myself to relax, I climb out of the car and approach the house.

"What is she doing here!?" I hear Kennedy yell as she stalks up to us, her hands balled into fists at her side.

"I told you she was coming," Willow responds with a sigh, she sounds tired.

"I thought you were kidding!" Kennedy is waving her hands around frantically.

"Chill, Kennedy. You've got no reason to be upset about B being here." Faith moves between us and tries to calm the angry slayer. I don't know much about Kennedy, other than she had been rich and was always giving me a hard time when we were all living together. She seemed to make Willow happy. It wasn't at all the same as it was with Tara, but then how could it be?

"Chill? I'm not going to chill! I heard what you said to Willow. It was totally unfair! I know you have to be here, but why does she?"

"She's part of this too, it affects us all."

Suddenly, I'm annoyed that they're talking about me as if I'm not standing right here. I go to reach for Faith's hand to pull her away. I change my mind before I manage to touch her, but Kennedy sees what I was about to do.

"OH MY GOD!" She screams, rolling her eyes. "Are you serious?" So she read a lot into that almost contact, not that she isn't right, but still.

"What?" Willow looks around confused.

Kennedy only huffs and runs off into the house.

Andrew walks up behind us and deposits our bags. "Let me show you to your room, Buffy." Oblivious to the scene he just walked into, he smiles and leads me into the house. I only hope I don't run into anyone else before I can make it to the security of my room.

The main entry is enormous. There are two large staircases framing the space, and I can see a hallway with several doors, I assume those are used for offices. This place is easily four times larger than the mansion Angel squatted in. Thinking of Angel saddens me for a moment, even though I hadn't thought about him at all in years, it made me sad now to know that he was gone.

I follow Andrew up four flights of stairs, not listening at all to his inane babbling, only looking around in awe at this building. Wondering how on earth they can afford it. He leads me to a door and hands me a key. "Thanks, Andrew."

"No problem. You've got your own bathroom, and there is a fully stocked kitchen on the second floor."

I nod to him and enter the room. It's large with a queen size bed in the center. A huge window overlooks the back of the property. I can see more slayers training in the back, there must be at least 50 total living here. I find myself shaking again. What was I thinking? I can't be here. It's too much.

I flop face down on the bed and try not to cry. There's a knock at my door, and I sigh as I drag myself up. I was hoping it would be Faith, but I know that it's not. She's still downstairs, I'm not sure what she's doing. Frowning I open the door to find Willow.

"Hey, can I come in?"

"It is your house." I smile and move so she can enter. "How are you affording all this anyway? It's amazing." I'm less nervous about talking to her face to face than I expected. It could be because she looks so tired and maybe a little scared. It's hard to hold on to all the bad feelings I have when all I want to do is comfort my best friend.

"We took over all the resources for the council. I may have used a little magic to get a really good deal on this place." She chuckles, and I smile in return. "I'm sorry about Kennedy. I told her things were better, but she's just… Just Kennedy."

"It's ok. It's what I expected. I'll just make sure I stay out of everyone's way until this is over."

She frowns at my response. "If that's really what you want to do. We could probably use your help."

"We'll see how things go. Hopefully, you can stop whatever this is, and I can go back home soon." I pause, sensing that Faith is heading up the stairs, but she stops before reaching this floor. "Where is Faith's room?"

"She has a place setup on the second floor."

"Oh." That must be where she is now.

"What's going on with you two?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on." Willow raises her eyebrow at me with a knowing look. "Something must be going on."

Not at all ready to have this conversation with her before I have it with Faith. I move away from Willow to stare out the window. "This place is incredible. How much land is there?"

"40 acres. You're not getting out of this that easy. I know we're not close anymore, but I want us to be." Her tone is gentle, and I want to give in to it. I miss having her as a friend, being able to share everything with her. Faith is moving up the stairs again, and I am hopeful she's coming to talk to me finally.

"I don't know what's going on with us. We haven't talked about it yet. I know Faith doesn't do relationships."

"Relationships? There's potential for relationships?" Willow's face turns from shock to a smile as she considers what this might mean. So much has changed, when we were kids, she hated Faith, even more than I did. We were all such dumb jealous children, forced to make adult decisions when we weren't even close to capable.

"I don't know what there's potential for." I do know that things will never be the same. I can't imagine my life without her now.

"But you want there to be?"

I can't hide my blush or my grin as I nod. Faith has me feeling like a lovesick teenager.

"Do you love her?"

I hear Faith gasp, and she pauses at the top of the stairs. I guess this is my chance to tell her how I feel without having to see her face when she rejects me. She can just turn around, and we'll never have to face each other again. Most of me believes there is no way that is what will happen. Most of me is sure she'll run in here as soon as I say it. She'll hold me close, and I'll know she feels the same.


	8. Chapter 8

Faith's POV

Damn Kennedy! I should have known she was going to be like this. I should have tried to find away to get B inside without having to talk to her yet. I just hope she's not up there freaking out, or even worse shutting down. If she shuts down, I don't care what evil is after us, I'm getting us the hell out of here. I will not let her get lost again, even if it kills me.

"Do you love her?" I hear Willow ask as I reach the top of the stairs. Freezing in my tracks, I realize that if I can hear them, B probably knows I'm here. It's too late now, all I can do is wait to see what she says.

We should have tried to talk on the way here. I just figured we'd have plenty of time once we got here. Of course, I know that's bullshit. I'm just terrified. I've never been with anyone like her, I've never done relationships or anything even close. I never imagined I would live long enough for it to matter. I don't want to screw this up. I think I've grown out of my self-destructive ways, but I won't know for sure until something stressful happens.

"With all of my heart." She replies, and I feel the air rush out of my body. I can't believe she said that, and to Willow. I push past my fears and move towards her door, opening it without knocking. Our eyes lock as I walk towards her. I vaguely sense that Willow is saying something, but I don't care. Dropping my bags, I stare at her. She's silhouetted by the large window. It looks like she's surrounded by a heavenly light.

My heart is pounding and I can tell hers is too. I peel off my jean jacket and watch her eyes roam over my body. I never doubted that she lusted for me, how could she not? Can she love me though? I could never imagine anyone would love me, never mind someone like her. I have some sense that the door has clicked shut behind me.

I stand a few feet away, trying to decide if I can believe that she meant it. She could have just said what she thought I wanted to hear. I move towards her slowly. She's sitting on the bed looking up at me with scared eyes. I can guess that she was worried I would reject her, that I wouldn't be able to love her back. With what she knows of my history that's not at all surprising. I have to show her that there's nothing to be afraid of. There's nothing to be afraid of… Right?

She rises before me, reaching out for my hands. "I meant it. I love you." I can see her sincerity, but also her fear. Fear that I might run screaming from the room, or maybe even the country. I'm not afraid of that though, I know I will never leave her side. Before this moment I never had any idea what love was, what it could feel like. My heart is racing, the longer I take to say something the more I can feel her trembling, her grip on my hands tightening.

I pull her closer, staring into her eyes. I know what I feel, I'm just terrified to say it. She's the only one who's ever said it to me before, and I've never said it to anyone. She relaxes a little as she gets closer. "It's ok if you can't say it, you've already shown me how you feel." It's more than a little terrifying how she seems to always know what I'm thinking.

I have no doubt that I love her. I don't even know what I'm afraid of.

I run my fingertips over her lips, confirming to myself that they're real. I trace over her cheeks, skimming over her soft flesh, filled with wonder. Consumed by the fact that I'm allowed to do this, that she wants me to. Her hands move to my arms, gliding along them with her own soft touches.

"Faith." She calls to me, her voice breathy, barely a whisper. I wait for her to say something more, she already knows she has my full attention. But she says nothing. Maybe she knows what it does to me when she says my name. Maybe she knows that it makes me believe that someone really sees me. Tears glide down my cheeks, I don't even know why. I am far from sad, worlds away from sad.

"Faith." She says it again, just as gently. My eyes are closed, she pulls me closer kissing away my tears. Kissing her way over my cheek and to my ear, nibbling gently. "Faith." Her hot breath on my ear. My body shudders, pure emotion rolling through me. She slowly slides her hands under my shirt, she traces her fingers lightly over my scar, the scar she put there so many years ago. The brief sadness I see on her face wakens me from my stupor. I gently raise her chin and kiss her. Running my tongue softly over her lips. "That wasn't us. Neither of us are who we were then. We'll never be those people again."

I know it's not that simple, neither of us can just erase who we were. All we can do is accept the mistakes we've made and never make them again. She looks up at me with such love that a jolt of fear hits me. It's not like we haven't already been naked together. The first time I barely felt like myself, it felt like I had been taken over by the slayer. Nothing I was doing had conscious thought, it wasn't emotional. On the plane, it felt like it was she because she was nervous about coming here and we just wanted to feel each other before having to deal with reality. But now, I don't even know. I've been in denial about how I feel for so long, but I can't deny it anymore. It's real, I love her and she loves me. That makes this mean something.

What does she expect from me? Why am I suddenly even worried about this? We've already been living together, we're already each other's entire worlds. Why does the fact that she said she loves me change that? How was I so confident a few minutes ago and now I'm terrified?

"Faith?" She's staring at me, a concerned look in her eyes. "Are you ok? You kinda froze up." How long have I been standing here lost in my thoughts?

"Just… thinking."

"I'm sorry about… With Willow… I know this is a lot." I don't know how to respond, is she sorry she said it, or because I'm freaking out? Since when did I become an over-analyzing crazy person? It all seemed so simple earlier today. I was so worried about her shutting down and now I'm doing it. "It's ok if you need more time, if this is too much." She's dropped my hands and taken a step back from me. Doubt and fear spreading across her face.

Buffy's POV

What happened? Everything seemed so perfect just a few minutes ago. I was so sure of how she felt. But now, now she's so distant and confused. Maybe I shouldn't have said that I loved her, but what could I do? I do love her. I know it completely. Why did Willow have to ask me that? It's only been one day that we've been whatever it is that we are. We didn't even talk about it. I was just so sure of how she felt, I jumped all the way in without thinking.

What if I got it all wrong? What if this was something else to her? She just stayed by my side all this time out of some sense of duty, not because she actually cared about me. We let our lust take over, and I confused it for something else. I feel like my heart is going to explode, why won't she say anything?

My legs are shaking, I have to sit down. I continue to back away, staring at the floor. I sit on the bed with my hands folded in my lap, and I wait. She won't saying anything though, I have to find a way to fix this.

"Faith? What's going on? You can tell me anything." I swallow hard, trying to stay calm.

"This is just all so new to me, I…" A million thoughts collide in my head during her pause. If there even was a pause, my brain might just be malfunctioning. I knew things were going too fast. She's had time to realize it was all a mistake. "I just think we should slow down a little."

Slow, I can do slow. She looks at me nervously, and I realize I didn't say that out loud. "How slow were you thinking?"

"Like maybe we could go on a date? We sorta skipped the whole, getting to know you phase." I start to argue that we've known each other for years. Luckily, I stop myself before I do. She probably knows everything there is to know about me, but I barely know anything about her. It turns out that I'm still a self-involved jerk.

"Of course I'll go on a date with you."

She seems to breathe a sigh of relief, which is insanely cute. She pulls me close and gently kisses me. "Until we do, I don't think we should…" Her eyes roam to the bed behind me.

I frown, but I get it, at least I think I do. "Ok." She pulls me close and I lean into her. "But… are you going to stay with me tonight?" My voice is shaky, it's not like we've ever actually slept together, I'm not sure why the idea of her sleeping in her own room scares me, but it does. Her room is two floors away, that would be the furthest we've slept from each other in over 3 years.

"Do you promise to behave yourself?"

"I promise to try."

She smirks at me, "I'm going to go grab something to eat, can I bring you something?"

"Yes please."

"Ok, be right back." She turns to leave, and I find myself shaking again. I need to get control of myself. I've grown way too attached since I realized how much I need her. It's probably not good for either of us. I watch as she saunters out of the room, I know she knows what she's doing to me. It is going to be really hard to keep my hands to myself tonight.

I track her energy as she heads to the kitchen. Knowing it will be a few minutes until she's back, I get myself ready for sleep. It has been an amazing but really long day, and I'm exhausted. She returns 20 minutes later with a stack of sandwiches and a few beers. We eat in comfortable silence, and I crawl into bed. Waiting to see what she'll do.

"Gotta turn around."

"Why?"

She smirks at me, and I remember that she always sleeps naked. There were more than a few unpleasant memories of encounters over the years where I rediscovered that fact. And of course, I acted like the biggest bitch in the world each time. I try not to let remembering how awful I was poison how good things are now. I roll over and bury my head in the pillow. I don't turn around until I feel her weight next to me.

"Thank you for staying."

"Of course." She sweeps her fingers through my hair. I close my eyes and try to contain the moan that wants to escape me. Even the slightest touch from her ignites my entire body. Unable to contain myself I move forward and lightly kiss her.

"Goodnight, Faith."

"G'night." I roll away, my back to her. I know if I don't, that it will be too hard not to want to touch her. She doesn't seem offended as I feel her move closer to me, wrapping me in her arms and holding me tight. I've never tried to sleep like this before. I always thought it would be uncomfortable. But it isn't, it's perfect. I feel her breathing relax, and she's asleep almost instantly, a few minutes later I am too.

I wake up and stretch, frowning when I discover that I'm alone. Her side of the bed is still warm, at least I know she hasn't been gone long.

I can feel her moving to the backyard, and I get up to watch. She's stretching, and I find myself getting warm, I don't know what she's done to me. She's turned me into a lovesick and very horny teenager. Maybe that's what I always was, I just didn't have the right person to share it with until now.

I consider going out to join her when I see Kennedy approach, a furious look on her face. Guessing there is going to be confrontation I frown and back away from the window. I decide to take a shower, then maybe I'll find something to eat. As I'm showering, I hear noises of someone I know is not Faith in the main room. Whoever it is, seems to have found a hiding spot that they're happy with, so I finish my shower. I take my time getting dressed, hoping they'll get annoyed and impatient.

"Gee, I hope no one is hiding in my room hoping to bother me." I melodramatically sigh as I enter the main room. I hear a grunt from behind the cabinet, and a slayer I vaguely recognize makes an appearance.

"Let's go." She has a short sword in her hand and motions towards the door.

"Why would I go anywhere with you?"

She waves the sword menacingly at me, and I giggle at her implied threat. Even though I haven't been training, I'm not the least bit afraid of her. Just from the way she's holding the weapon, I can tell she doesn't know what she's doing. It makes me wonder what kind of training they've been doing out here all this time. Then I remember I helped train her all those years ago and feel a pang of guilt.

"Do you know who I am?" I cross my arms over my chest, I know she knows who I am. I should have asked if she knows what I am.

"Of course I do. You're a tired old slayer who can't keep up with us, so she ran away from her responsibilities." She sneers at me, showing her teeth. I have to hold back a chuckle at her attempt to intimidate me.

"Is that what they teach you here? Shameful." I shake my head, weighing my options. I could fight her, I could try to call for help, or I could just go with her. I don't know what kind of distance our slayer bond can cover, but I'm sure Faith will find me. "Alright, I guess I have no choice. Let me just finish getting dressed."

She grunts, and I have to resist laughing at her yet again. "Why are you doing this?" I ask as I slide my jacket on, the one with a concealed stake in the sleeve and a small dagger in the inner pocket.

"I never asked to be a slayer," she seems to have relaxed since I'm cooperating. The sword is hanging at her side. She may be the worst kidnapper ever.

"I can relate to that."

She scoffs at me, "It's all your fault that this happened to me!" She raises the sword at me again. I guess my attempt at bonding with her didn't work.

"You're right, I should have just let evil take over the world so you wouldn't have to have superpowers. What was I thinking?" I knew it was more complicated than that. Being a slayer is so much more than the superpowers. "You don't have to be here you know? There's plenty of other slayers to take care of the evil."

"Don't you think I tried that! I tried to stay in my life, tried to be normal and go to school like everyone else." She pauses, "The demons just kept coming after me. They killed my friends and family." Her sneer and words are shocking to me. Something about her demeanor makes me think she's lying, but I have no proof of that. "Come on. You're dressed enough."

She pushes me out the door at sword point and directs me up a flight of stairs. As soon as I leave the room, I can feel Faith moving towards us. She's only a few flights below us as we reach the roof.

"Where are we going anyway?" I ask casually. I hope that Faith gets the hint that I don't want to be rescued right now. This might not be the best plan, maybe we should just capture this slayer and get her to tell us what the plan is. There's no way I could torture another slayer for information though, and I wouldn't let anyone else do that either. Going with her seems like the best way to figure out who's behind this.

"Like I'd tell you."

"Could you tell me your name at least?"

"I knew you wouldn't recognize me, even though I lived with you for months. I fought side by side with you, and you couldn't even be bothered to learn my name!"

Her words sting, but only a little. I had my reasons for keeping my distance, I regret some of the choices I made, but that wasn't one of them. "Whatever, let's just get this over with."

She motions to the corner of the building where there is a ladder. She looks over the edge for to verify no one is down there, seeming satisfied she shoves me towards it. I quickly climb down, and she follows. It occurs to me how stupid this plan is. I could easily pull her off the ladder or simply escape. I'm starting to think that whoever is behind this evil conspiracy might be complete morons.

She drags me, running to the edge of the property. There's a 12-foot wall, which we both jump over. It was meant to keep people out, not to keep slayers in, I'm not sure what she would have done to get me over if I wasn't cooperating. There's a van idling on the street just outside the wall. The door slides open, and she shoves me in. There are two vampires waiting inside. They sit on either side of me as if they could stop me if I wanted to leave.

I don't know how long we drive. The back of the van is completely blacked out. I know we're going in circles because I keep my attention focused on Faith's energy. I am relieved when the van finally stops, and I can still tell exactly where she is. I'm slightly unnerved that she isn't getting any closer yet, but I trust that it just means she's coming up with a plan.

We're in an old industrial area, and it looks long abandoned. I let myself be guided towards a large building with boarded up windows. Bracing myself for who I'm going to find inside.

"You've made mummy cross."

My body shivers as I recognize the voice. I try to hide my reaction, knowing she thrives on her ability to creep people out. "Hello, Drusilla," I reply calmly.

"You took my Angel from me."

Grinning, "I did. It was easy too." I stare into her crazed eyes. I know she has some kind of psychic powers, but I'm not worried. I feel eerily confident about so many things now, for the first time in my life I feel complete. I always rejected the slayer as something other than myself, I no longer feel that way. I completely accept that I am the slayer.

I hear a high pitched sound from behind me, and I can't help but tense up. I turn and growl at the man I see. "That's mine." I choke my words out through a clenched jaw.

"Come and get it." He replies, and I finally look up from the weapon he holds to see his face.

"Connor? But… how.. why?."

"My father's greatest gift to me." He grins, showing his horrid vamp face. I cringe, knowing how upset Angel would be to see his son like this. He wields the Scythe beautifully, spinning it around with practiced ease. I am furious to see a vampire holding it. I should never have let them convince me to keep it with the rest of the slayers. It belongs to me.

"Now, now. Settle down kiddies. This isn't the time for that." Connor grins at me and holds the Scythe at his side.

"So now what? Are you going to bore me to death and hope that somehow ends the slayers?"

"Such a rude girl!" Drusilla giggled at me maniacally. "Don't worry little one. It will all be over soon."

I cross my arms and glare at her. I can feel Faith is moving in our direction now, and I relax slightly. I just need to keep them talking, to find out their plan. Looking around the warehouse, I see an altar. There are candles and strange symbols that I don't recognize. There is also a table in the center. The table has straps, setup for restraining a person. I cringe, picturing Faith on the table, struggling for her life.

"How did you do the thing with the phones?"

Drusilla giggled again, running her fingers over her cheeks, her large eyes staring vacantly at me. Holy shit, she is insane. I almost feel bad for her, what Angelus did to her is beyond comprehension.

"Faith, I have a place I need you guys to check out." I hear Willow's voice behind me, I turn in shock to see traitorous slayer standing there smirking at me.

"Seriously? You just impersonated Willow?" We thought they were advanced and tracking us with our phones, but it was just a stupid trick. "What about that stuff with Giles? Why send him back to us?"

"That was just a bit of fun really. I heard from Willow about how much you hated him, thought it would rile you up, get you to do something stupid, like coming here." She grins at me, supremely confident in her chances of surviving this encounter. I take a step towards her, it's ok to throttle evil slayers right? How can that not be ok? Connor moves between us before I get close.

"I thought you wanted Faith? Why am I here? They all hate me. No one will bother to come rescue me." I hear the slayer behind me scoff at my words.

"We're not expecting them to rescue you. We're expecting them to come to kill you. After..."

"After what?"

"After we turn you," Connor replies, grinning. "Then you'll happily help us to end the slayers, and kill all your friends."

"What!"

"You took my Angelus from me. And what you did to Spike, making him soft, tricking him into getting his filthy soul back. You can't just expect to get away with that." Drusilla's giggling has stopped, now she looks fierce. Just as insane, but less happy about it.

"Where is Spike anyway?" Trying to buy more time, Faith is almost here. I push away how vile the idea of being turned into a vampire is. I need to stay focused if we're going to survive this.

Drusilla grins again, "he's close by, don't you worry. We'll get that pesky soul out of him yet!"

"Is that what this is all about? You want your Spike back?" I start to wonder what has been happening with Spike and Angel all this time. I had heard they were working together in LA. Spike somehow was trapped there after sacrificing himself to destroy the Hellmouth. I'm again disappointed in myself for not caring enough about anything to stay in touch with them. At one time I believed that I loved him. Maybe I did, he was always so supportive of me, and he tried so hard to be a good man. I shudder as I can't help but draw parallels to my current situation with Faith.

My feelings for Faith are different than they were for Spike. I am sure of that. I was completely lost when I gave myself over to Spike. I knew how he felt and I took advantage. I wanted to love him, but I just wasn't possible for me then. I knew I was hurting him and I didn't care. He always supported me and tried to tell me I was better than I thought I was. I'll always have love for him because of that. It's not the same with Faith at all. Being with Spike made me feel dirty and ruined, being with Faith makes me feel alive and whole.

I hear a commotion outside and grin. Drusilla and Connor don't seem to have heard it, so I have time to plan. There are at least 20 vampires and other demons in this building. I can only see 5 of them though. I hope Faith brought all of the slayers with her. If she gets hurt because I thought I could handle this on my own, I'll never forgive myself.

I position myself closer to Connor, trying to be inconspicuous with my movements. He doesn't at all seem worried about me or what I'm doing. I know he needs to be taken out first once the fighting starts. Besides having MY Scythe, he was already super powered as a human. It is not going to be an easy fight. More regret for not keeping up with my training assaults me. I will not let my guilt take control right now. I am the slayer, no vampire will beat me.

There is the sound of breaking glass all around us, sunlight begins to shine onto the warehouse floor, and Drusilla hissed, backing into a darkened hallway. Connor doesn't react at all, only smiles when the sun hits him and nothing happens.

"How?"

"Who knows? I've always been special." He grins at me, twirling the Scythe again. He begins to circle me, teeth bared in an almost comical way. He lunges at me, and I am barely able to dodge his attack. He is faster than anyone I have ever faced. I punch out at him as he moves past me and I barely clip the side of his head with my fist. It does not affect him, but I think my hand is broken.

He laughs at me again. Taking an overhead swipe, I step back dodging it again. I didn't quite step back far enough though. I can feel warm blood sliding down my body and pooling at my feet. I don't have time to evaluate the damage. The Scythe embedded in the floor from the power of his strike. The stake end is sticking up at a sharp angle. I quickly circle to the other side of him, blood is pooling on the ground at my every step. He didn't even try to retrieve the weapon, only stood there laughing at me. "I thought you'd be a challenge, you're a joke."

"Buffy!" I hear Faith scream from across the room. The sound distracts Connor for just a second and gives me the chance to lunge at him. With all my strength I tackle him, shoving him onto the Scythe. It pierces his heart, and he turns to dust beneath me. I don't have the chance to celebrate the victory though.


	9. Chapter 9

Faith's POV

No! I watch in horror as B stands bleeding before Connor. The Scythe is stuck in the ground, and I guess at what she intends to do. I move in slow motion, trying to get to her before she can do it. There's no time. She lunges for him, impaling him and then herself on the Scythe.

"Willow!" I scream. Reaching her, I carefully dislodge her body from the weapon. Turning her to reveal she's been sliced from her left cheek all the way down to her right thigh. Most of the wound is not deep, but it is long, and it won't stop bleeding. The puncture wound is on her right shoulder and goes all the way through. I rip my shirt off to cover it as best I can. Trying desperately to stop the bleeding. She's still breathing, still seems conscious, her eyes are open but vacant.

The sun light is keeping the vampires away from us, but there are several other demons. I completely ignore them, trusting the rest of the slayers to handle them. It may not be smart, but I won't leave her. I'd rather both of us die than leave her side again.

"Faith?" She whispers weakly to me.

"I'm here, I've got you."

"Drusilla." She motions towards a dark hallway with her eyes.

"It's ok, don't worry about her." I hold her against my body. Tears are falling from my face. Why did she come out here alone? Why did she sacrifice herself to kill Connor? Where the fuck is Willow?

"Spike." Her voice is so soft I almost don't hear what she said.

"Spike is here? Is he part of this?" She passes out in my arms before she can answer.

"Faith? What happened?" Willow is finally here, seeing Buffy her eyes go wide with shock.

"Help her!"

She nods and leans down examining B's wounds, tears forming in her eyes. "I'm going to need to take from you." She meets my eyes, and I nod. Take everything, just let her live.

Kennedy's POV

I slice through the demon in front of me, grinning as he falls to the ground. Searching the area for my next opponent I frown. There are none left standing. I sense there are a few vampires huddled in a room to the left, I quickly move in that direction. Hoping some of the other slayers follow me, but not caring if they do or not. I'm angry that we're even here, Faith made it sound like Buffy left willingly, so why are we rescuing her? And they're dating now too? What the hell is that about?

I also didn't appreciate that Faith planned this all out, and everyone just fell in line. They made plans when I wasn't even in the room. If either of them thinks she's going to come here and take over, they're sorely mistaken. They may have had her powers longer than me, but I've been the one training and managing all the slayers. Once this is over, I'm taking back control of my slayers.

In the darkened room I see two male vampires, standing protectively in front of a female vampire. I vaguely recognize her from some of the histories Willow has shown me. Her eyes are mesmerizing, I find myself drawn to them.

"That's right little girl, come to mummy."

The sound of her super creepy voice startles me out of my haze. I growl and stake her protectors without any effort. They must have been expecting her charms to work on me, they barely even moved to defend themselves as I attacked.

"So are you in charge of all this then?" I ask snarkily. I could just kill her, but I'm guessing this chick is important. I grab her by the hair and drag her screaming into the hallway. I return to the central area and see all the slayers in a circle. Confused I throw the vampire against the wall. Her skin sizzles as she passes through the sunlight, but she survives to crash into a shaded area. Puffs of smoke float away from her. "Stay put." I grin at her, she only cowers and whines. Pathetic.

"What is going on?" I approach to see Faith and Willow huddled over a very bloody Buffy. Willow appears to be drawing power from Faith, attempting to heal the wounded blonde slayer. The other slayers are standing around, some crying, others just looking distraught and confused. "What are you all doing? Help her!" I demand and move closer, reaching for Willow, offering up my power. The rest of the slayers join in, creating a circle.

As much as I never liked Buffy, as much as I doubted her as a leader - I know she is the reason we are still alive. She saved the world countless times, she kept us together and tried to make us strong when we fought the first. She's the one who found the Scythe and gave us our powers. I might not want to be her friend, but I could never let her die.

A burst of energy pass through me, my power is drained, bringing me to my knees. The other slayers are similarly weakened, but it only lasts a few moments before we are standing again. Looking down I can see Buffy is stirring. She and Faith are completely covered in blood, and neither seems to have a shirt on. Faith's is balled up in her hand, pressing to where there was once a large hole in Buffy's shoulder. Buffy's shirt is sliced open and hanging in shreds.

Faith pulls Buffy close to her, and they're both crying. Willow collapses to the ground at my feet, and I move to hold her. The rest of the slayers turn from us, several of them sporting minor wounds of their own. I see one slayer attempting to slink off towards the exit.

"Shannon! Where do you think you're going!?" She freezes and turns to me, her eyes frozen with fear.

"I... uh…"

"Traitor," Faith hissed.

"Don't let her get away!" I call out, she runs, and several slayers chase her down. Tackling her and dragging her back.

"Let me go! I didn't do anything! She's a liar!" Shannon is squirming, but she has no chance to escape.

I stand up from Willow, propping her carefully against a crate. She's incredibly weak from the amount of magic she just expelled. I want to take her home so she can rest, but first, we have to do something about Shannon and that crazy vampire.

I stand in front of her, hands on my hips. "What are we going to do with you?"

"Let her go," Buffy calls out quietly.

"What?" I turn to her, shocked by the harsh sound of her voice. Watching her slowly rise. She looks so grotesque, covered in blood, her skin torn open. The cut on her cheek isn't healed, it flaps as she speaks. How on earth is she speaking? Faith remains on the ground, watching in horror and shock as Buffy moves away from her.

"Doesn't want to be a slayer, doesn't belong here with you." Her voice is soft, and I can't believe she's even standing, never mind trying to defend the slayer who betrayed us all.

"We can't just let her go. Take her back to the compound, lock her up until we decide what to do with her." I command the band of slayers that are restraining Shannon. I return my attention to Buffy, furious that she would try to make this decision. She needs to know that I'm in charge here. "None of us chose this, but we fight for what's right. We don't side with evil." She grimaces at me, and I look away in shame, realizing that Faith is there and heard what I said. Faith seems lost in her thoughts though and didn't react.

She only shrugs sadly at me and turns towards Drusilla in the corner.

Buffy ripped the Scythe out of the ground, the exertion re-opened her wound, and she started bleeding again. Damn, I had no idea how tough she was. I've never seen anyone with an injury even close to that bad up and moving around.

We all watch, frozen in awe as she stalks over to Drusilla. Swinging the Scythe in her left hand. The hole in her right shoulder was closed, but it didn't seem like she had any strength in her right arm. It hung limply at her side.

She kneels down in front of the vampire. "It's not fair what happened to you. What Angelus did when he turned you. It was beyond evil. It's no wonder that you're insane."

Drusilla's eyes are wild and crazed. She's giggling, "Can't hurt me, I'm safe in the stars. You can't touch me." Her ramblings are incoherent. She smells of burnt flesh and insanity.

Without another word, Buffy stands and strikes out with the Scythe, separating her head from her body. The face still locked in a maniacal grin before it vanishes into ash. Buffy collapsed to the ground as soon as her task was done. She was still breathing but must be in incredible pain. Faith was by her side in an instant, cradling in her arms.

"Let's get the hell out of here." Faith says, heading towards the exit with an unconscious Buffy in her arms.

"We're going to bring her back, the rest of you search through this place. I can sense at least one more vampire in here, so be on the lookout." I call out to the remaining slayers as we make our way out of the building.

"She said Spike was here." I'm startled by the sound of Faith's voice.

"On which side?"

"Didn't say." I know Spike fought on the side of good, had a soul and all that. We'll have to give him a chance to explain what he's doing here before killing him.

"If you find Spike, restrain him and bring him back to the compound."

The remaining slayers all nod and begin to fan out. I'm embarrassed that one of the slayers I've been training with for years has turned on us, but the rest of them are solid warriors. I know they will do what I ask.

Faith's POV

"Should we take her to a hospital?"

"I don't think they can help. There's something magical involved, we'll get her into the infirmary. I'm calling Josie, she will hopefully be ready for us by the time we get there." Willow heads off to make her call.

"Who's Josie?" I don't care who Josie is, I just need something else to think about so that I don't lose my mind.

"She's our resident doctor, sort of. She's a slayer who tried to stay in her normal life. Started medical school, but dropped out when she started getting attacked by vampires. She's only been with us a few months." Kennedy explains as we pile into the car.

Kennedy is driving, Willow is in the passenger seat, and I've got B in the back with me, cradling her. Her body seems so small and frail in my arms. Her skin is pale and clammy from the blood loss. Please, please don't die. You're not allowed to die. Not now, not ever.

"I'm so sorry about this, I should have known about Shannon, should have realized that it was her who took the Scythe." Kennedy actually looks guilty, for the first time since I've known her she's taking responsibility for a mistake. I'm not sure it's her mistake to own but I'm extremely upset and frustrated, and she seems like a good outlet. She's always been awful to B, I tried to play nice, but I'm all out of nice right now.

"It's probably not your fault that she sided with evil." I can't keep the sharpness out of my voice as I use her words against her. She winces and looks away, the rest of the trip is silent. Other than me whispering to B, telling her that I love her, telling her that everything is going to be ok. If only I could have said it when she could hear me, I can only hope I get another chance.

The drive to the compound seems to take an eternity. We finally arrive 20 minutes later, and I carry her inside. Kennedy and Willow are close behind as I burst into the infirmary and place her on the bed. Josie is there and begins working immediately. I stand back a few feet, so I'm not in the way, but nothing it's going to make me leave this room.

Josie starts by connecting her to an IV, and I watch in a daze as the blood flows down the tube and into her arm. I can feel my legs growing weak at the sight. How can this be happening?

"Can you help me?" Josie motions to Buffy's clothes. Most of it is torn away, but some of it is stuck in her wound. I move forward and help to peel the material away. None of this seems real. I find a little comfort in the fact that she's unconscious, so she can't feel what's happening to her.

The love of my life is lying before me, covered in blood, the awareness of that hits me and then I hit the ground.

"Buffy!" I sit up from the chair. My head is pounding. The room is dark, all I see is a faint glow from under the door. I'm in the still in the infirmary, she is laying in the bed, unmoving. Someone draped a hospital gown over me, but my body is still caked with blood. I move to her slowly, my legs are weak and shaky. I can barely see her, but I can tell they cleaned all of the blood off of her. There is a large bandage covering half her face, the wound across her torso has small strips holding the skin together. Nothing seems to be actively bleeding, that seems like a good sign.

I try to imagine that she's just asleep, but I know it's not true. Her breath is shallow and raspy, her heartbeat is slow and strained. It might be my imagination, but her heart beat seems to strengthen as I get closer, as I gently stroke her cheek. I kiss on the forehead and sigh. "Why did you do this? Why did I let you?" Tears stream down my face.

"Faith?" Josie enters the room, carrying a clear IV bag.

"Is she going to be ok?" I want her to lie to me, tell me that everything is going to be fine. I need to believe it.

"It's too soon to tell, for sure." That is not the reassurance I was hoping for.

"Why is her hand restrained?"

"She kept ripping at her wound." Josie's tone is flat and unemotional I wonder if that's because of all the horrors she's seen, or something else. It can't be easy having to play doctor for all these slayers.

"But only one hand?"

"She only seemed to do it with her left. We're concerned some serious damage was done to the nerves in her right shoulder." I stare down at B, holding her hand, fearing what will happen when she wakes up, if she wakes up. "You should get yourself cleaned up, and maybe eat something."

"I'm not leaving this room."

"There's a shower in there. Willow brought your bag down earlier." I frown at the suggestion. I don't even like the idea of leaving her side for a second. But I am covered in blood, her blood.

"Ok, thanks." I slump back into the chair. I watch as Josie swaps out the IV and check her vitals again.

"Her heartbeat is stronger." So it wasn't my imagination. Now I'm definitely not leaving this room. I slide the chair closer to the bed. "Faith, I understand your need to be here. But, There is a risk of infection if you don't clean yourself up."

"Do you have some kind of problem with me?" She looks horrified by my accusation.

"OH, no… I'm so sorry if I was rude. It's just that Shannon was my friend. At least I thought she was. I don't understand how she could have been part of this." My rage softens as I can see how hurt she is.

"Sometimes people make bad choices. She might not even know why she did it." I'm not sure how I can be trying to justify what Shannon was part of. I reluctantly back away from the bed, grab my bag and head into the bathroom. I shower as quickly as I can. It takes far too long for the water to run clear. I dress and return to the room. Josie is gone, but there is now a cot setup next to the bed. There's a bottle of water and two sandwiches on the side table.

Ignoring the food, I move to the cot and position myself so I laying as close to her as I can, I rest my hand on hers. I didn't think it'd be possible, but I drift off to sleep after only a few minutes. I'm not sure how long I slept, but I wake to the sound of her screaming. She's thrashing and kicking, the restraints are the only thing keeping her from knocking herself out of the bed. The movement is enough to reopen her wounds, blood seeps out of her. In horror, I realize I'm screaming myself.

Josie arrives almost instantly, adjusting the feed on her IV. Willow follows not too far behind, she's chanting something, I can't even focus on what anyone is saying. I'm too busy feeling my heart explode in my chest as I watch her suffer. I'm not sure how long it lasts, it feels like hours, it may have only been a minute or two. Eventually, she calms back down, she stops screaming and thrashing. Now she's only moaning lowly, a soft groan of misery. It's almost worst than the screaming.

Josie gets to work cleaning the wound and replacing the bandages that were no longer working to hold her wound together. "Faith?" I try to focus on what Red is saying. She looks almost as tired and miserable as I feel. She must have been up all night trying to help B. "You should eat something. You know she wouldn't want you suffering just because she is."

I almost laugh at how ridiculous the idea of me not suffering when she is - sounds to me. She shakes her head and sighs. "Yeah, sorry. That was dumb."

"You're the one who needs to eat and rest. If anyone can help her now, it's you." I pull her to sit with me on the cot and wrap her in my arms. We both need some comfort right now, I can feel her body giving way to sleep, and I guide her to laying down. She mumbles something and tries to resist, but she's too tired. I know she needs rest if she's going to have any chance of fixing this.

I return my attentions to the bed. Josie has finished cleaning her up and is replacing the IV bag once again. "Damn slayers." She mumbles in frustration.

"What?"

"Your metabolisms are all over the place. It's hard to get the dosage right on the sedatives." I can see how upset she is by all this, and I try not to let myself blame her for what just happened. "She should be out for a while now."

I return to my earlier position and try to provide as much love and comfort as I can. This time sleep won't return to me.


	10. Chapter 10

Buffy's POV

Where am I? What in the hell happened? I'm in a hospital bed, but I think I'm still at the slayer compound. They must have an infirmary, I never did get the full tour.

I lift my head up to look around and instantly wish I hadn't. Every part of me hurts. I also seem to be mostly naked. I'm wearing what I think is a backwards hospital gown, open to expose the raw wound across my torso. I attempt to raise my right hand to poke at the wound, but it won't respond. I look to my left and find that it's strapped to the bed. What the hell? I feel for Faith. She's close by, maybe even in the room, but I can't turn my head enough to see. I smile lightly at feeling her presence, I feel a very unpleasant tugging in my face as I do. I don't remember what happened to me. Only that I was fighting Connor, and he attacked me with the Scythe. He was impossibly fast and strong. Faith and I are still alive, so I guess that means we won. Yay?

"Faith," I call out weakly, my throat is raw and scratchy. She's on the move and by my side in only a few moments. Holding my hand and smiling down at me.

"Sorry about the restraints, you kept scratching yourself." She frees my left hand and I try to sit up, but she gently pushes me down. "Take it easy. You have a lot of healing to do." I try to raise my right arm to touch her, but it still won't move. I frown and look down at it in confusion. "Willow thinks nerves were severed, she's been working to fix them." She smiles at me and caresses my cheek. "Why did you go with Shannon? You could have called for help." Her voice is soft, I can see the hurt in her eyes. I hate that I caused her pain, I promised I would never hurt her.

"Keep you safe," I reply softly, it burns my throat to talk, and pain fires through my face. The tugging at my face becoming more of a ripping feeling now. She grimaces as I struggle to speak. "Connor..." I want to tell her what happened, but she presses her finger gently to my lips.

"Shh... it's ok. We can talk about it when you're better. He's gone, and you're safe. That's all that matters." She brushes the hair away from my face.

Willow knocks lightly and enters the room. She looks like she's been through hell, her skin even paler than normal, dark circles under her eyes.

"I brought some tea," She smiles, Kennedy is following not too far behind her. Ready to catch Willow if she falls, which looks like it could be any second.

Faith pressed a button on the side of the bed, and my head raises slightly. I'm suddenly very aware of my mostly naked torso and get a little nervous. She carefully arranged the sheet over me, doing her best not to let it rest on my wound. "Sorry, it needs air to heal." I nod my understanding, grateful that she seems to know what I'm thinking. She helps me drink the tea, and my throat feels instantly better.

"Thank you." My voice sounds almost normal, but the side of my face still burns. "Spike?

"We found him, he's not OK, but he's safe." She frowns slightly at the mention of Spike. I can only imagine what happened to him.

I nod and continue drinking the tea. Feeling it's relaxing effects. Now I begin to wonder why my throat hurts so much, and how long I've been laying in this bed. Everyone looks really upset, I hope no one was seriously hurt because I was so stupid.

"We found some interesting material they left behind." Willow smiles at me, she looks nervous, and I raised my eyebrow in concern. "I think I have a way to take away Slayer powers from individual slayers."

"You think?" Faith looks worried.

"Pretty sure. We can take Shannon's powers and use them to help heal you."

"No!" I try to sit up, and grunt at the pain. I want to explain that I just need more time, it hurts too much to talk. I can already feel myself slipping back into the void.

Willow looks nervously at me. "I don't think your arm will ever fully recover. You may never be able to move it. And your wound..." She trails off, I know I must look awful. I can feel some kind of bandage on my face, it pulls at my skin whenever I try to talk.

"We have to do something with her anyway, we can't just let her go, and we can't keep her imprisoned here. She told us all her family was dead, but she lied." Kennedy explains, her posture is agitated, and I'm not sure why. I'm surprised she's even in here. "She could go back to her life, but it's too dangerous if she still has her powers."

"This is insane. Are you actually saying you can just make anyone not a Slayer anymore?" Faith looks down at me, and I know why she's really freaking out. She thinks I would jump at the chance to no longer be a Slayer. I try to give her a comforting look, I'm not sure my damaged face is cooperating.

"It will only work on the new slayers. The ones created by the spell." I try not to let my disappointment show as Willow explains. The idea of being a normal girl was exciting for a second. I wouldn't have actually been willing to give up my powers though, it's who I am. Even if I forgot for a while.

"No."

"You don't understand B. You're not healing." My heart is breaking at the look she gives me, but I can't let them do this, it's not right.

"I will."

"It's been six weeks." My eyes widen in shock. All I feel is pain as I try to open my mouth to protest.

"This is the first time you've been awake and coherent in six weeks," Willow adds sadly. "There was poison on the blade, it's preventing your wound from healing. I have a spell to counteract the effects, but I don't have enough power on my own."

"more time." Forcing the words out slowly, I just can't accept the idea of taking someone else's powers to heal me, even if they don't want them.

"Please, please let them try." Faith is holding my hand, but I can't feel it. She looks so sad and tired. I'm devastated by the news that it's been so long. Seeing how hurt she is makes me realize that this isn't just about me. As much as I hate this idea, there doesn't seem to be any choice.

I nod, it's all I can manage now.

Willow breathes a sigh of relief. "We'll try it tomorrow. In the meantime, try to get some rest." Willow and Kennedy leave, Kennedy shoots me a strange look as she leaves. I want to say something to her, ask why she hates me, but it hurts too much to talk.

Faith's POV

This better work, I can't stand to see her like this. She's only woken up a few times before, each time screaming from the pain. I'm grateful that she doesn't remember any of that, but I remember every second of it. Willow has been working tirelessly to heal her. Each time it seemed like she was making progress, only for the wound to open again once they stopped pouring magic into her.

All of the slayers have lent their power to attempt to help her heal. They saw what she did, how she sacrificed herself to stop Connor and Drusilla. They were so close they were to accomplishing their goal. They had everything they needed, the last thing was to capture me. Shannon confessed their entire plan. Breaking down into sobs once she'd seen what happened to B.

They were going to turn Buffy into a vampire, then use her to lure me into a trap. I don't know what I would have done if they had succeeded. The idea of B being a vampire turns my insides. All I've been able to do for these past six weeks is watch over her, and think of how I should have done things differently. I could have stopped her from going with Shannon. We could have been more patient and not let them trick us into coming up here. The only reason they needed us here was because of the Hellmouth. Though I'm sure they would have continued to harass us until we came, still, it didn't have to happen like this.

"You should sleep." I carefully brush a few strands of hair away from her face.

"Not sleepy." God, she's cute when she's stubborn, which is just about all of the time.

"What do you want to do then?"

She looks at me, her eyes are so sad. I just want to make her feel better. "Lay with me?"

I move to her right side, believing that is the safest way not to hurt her and start to slide in. She frowns at me and makes a sad little whimper, "what's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"No… it's just..." She nods to her lifeless right arm, and I shake my head at how absurd she is. Even in the insane amount of pain she must be in, all she wants is to be able to touch me.

She grins, her eyes sparkling up at me. I move to her left and carefully lay next to her, careful not to move her too much or touch any of her wound. She seems dissatisfied with the amount of contact. Making small groaning sounds and attempting to move closer to me, likely hurting herself in the process.

I raise the head of the bed some more so I can sit upright. I very carefully wiggle myself behind her, so now she's leaning against me. She reaches for my hand and entwines our fingers. Sighing contently against my chest, she falls asleep.

After a few minutes of listening to her breathe, I drift off into sleep as well.

I feel her shifting above me, I slowly open my eyes to find her facing me. Her hands sliding up under my shirt. Shocked to see her whole, I grab her hands, holding them in place. "B? Is this real?" There is a faint scar on her face and across her chest a likely permanent reminder of her gruesome wound.

She smiles at me and leans in for a kiss. I greedily accept, for the moment not caring if this is a dream or not. We only had one day together before she was hurt, living these past 6 weeks without her touch has been harder than I could have imagined. Now that I have her back, I'm never letting her go. Though we are finally going to talk. We have things to talk about.

The door creaks open, "Sorry! I'll come back later." I hear Willow say as she quickly exits the room, "I guess it worked." She mumbles to herself from the other side of the door.

Willow's disruption brought me to my senses. "This is real? You're really ok?"

"I'm a lot more than ok," she grins, capturing my lips once again. Sliding her now very functional right hand into my pants.

"Wait."


	11. Chapter 11

Buffy's POV

I stop my movements and pull away. I can't read her expression, and now I'm freaking out. She's had six weeks to think about us, six weeks to figure out that maybe this isn't going to work. Whatever the hell this even is. My fear is likely apparent, but she looks at me calmly. Placing her hand gently on my cheek, lighting stroking with her thumb.

"There's nothing wrong. We were just going to wait. Remember?" I relax, waiting. We're just waiting, getting to know each other better.

I lay back down, she wraps her arms around me and holds me tightly. My head is resting on her heart, I focus on that, listening to its rapid beating. She sighs and relaxes her arms. I can sense that there is still something she's nervous about.

"What do you want to do now?" That wasn't what I was expecting her to ask.

I hadn't thought about what we would do after this. But I've only been awake for a few minutes. She's had a lot more time to think about things, a lot more time to worry about the future. "I don't know, maybe start taking classes. Like we talked about before."

"Do you want to go back home?"

I sit up to look at her, she looks nervous, unable to hold eye contact. I can guess that she wants to stay here with the rest of the slayers. She would have been with them all this time if it wasn't for me. I'm no longer as worried about being here, around the slayers and my friends. "Home is wherever you are."

"Are you sure? You could... stay here?"

"I don't know about here exactly. It'd be better if we had our own place. I don't think Kennedy will be too happy if I were staying here."

"I'm not worried about her, we'll set her straight."

"Do you want to take over for her?"

"No, definitely not. I just want us to be a part of the slaying again."

"Us?"

"Once you're ready. If you want to."

"I do want to, I'm just not sure about working with all these slayers who seem to hate me."

"I don't think they hate you anymore. They all saw what you did, you were kind of amazing."

I sigh, I don't remember what happened, and I find it hard to believe that they would change their minds about me. But I do want to be part of this, I think I need to be. "I'm willing to try."

She visibly relaxes, but still seems worried about something. "What else are you worried about?"

"Spike."

"What about him?"

"He needs help. Drusilla must have done something to him. He's kinda crazed."

"What do you think we can do?"

She sighs and looks away again. "He keeps calling for you."

"You've seen him?"

"No, I haven't left this room." She says it like it has no significance like it's no big deal that she trapped herself in here with me for 6 weeks. I take a moment to see how tired she looks, she almost looks frail She must not have been eating or sleeping much for the past 6 weeks. I want to be upset with her for not taking care of herself, but I know I would have done the same thing.

"I guess I can try talking to him."

"Ok." She seems to have relaxed a little. I can guess that these past few weeks have been very hard on her.

"I'm sorry I went with Shannon. I never meant to put you through that."

"I almost lost you."

"I'm so sorry. I should have waited. We should have come up with a plan."

She squeezes me tighter, "no more shoulds. It's ok. Everything is ok now."

She releases me from the embrace and I go to move away and realize that I'm still wearing the backwards hospital gown. I try to wrap the material around myself, but she stops me. Holding my hands, so the gown falls open. "It was your idea to slow down."

"Yeah… but…" She licks her lips as her eyes roam over my mostly naked body. "I'm not all that bright." She smiles and pulls me close, kissing me deeply, her hands sliding across my back. I completely melt into the sensations, losing all ability to reason.

I break the kiss, my head resting on her forehead as I try to catch my breath. "As much as I really don't want to be saying this. I think you're right. We should get to know each other better." She closes her eyes and groans.

"Yeah."

I move away from her, wrapping the gown around myself and lying beside her. Her eyes are still closed, and her face is scrunched up. "When do you want to go?"

She looks over at me confused.

"On our date? Can it be a breakfast date? Like right now?"

She laughs and rolls towards me, resting her head on my shoulder and wrapping her arms around me. This is the first time we've laid like this, I am usually the one wrapped around her. It feels incredible, just laying here, holding her. Her head resting on my heart. "I've never been on a breakfast date before. Though I guess I've never been on an any time of day date."

"I'm pretty sure breakfast dates are a thing."

"I want to take you on a real date. With dinner and maybe dancing."

"That sounds amazing." I trace my fingers lightly over her back, and I can feel her responding to my touch. Pulling herself closer and nuzzling against my neck. "I guess we better get up and see what Willow has to say." My voice is raspy with desire. I make no effort to move from this position, hoping that she'll give in. We can still go on dates, we can still get to know each other. That doesn't mean we shouldn't also get to feel each other. I'm pretty sure that makes sense, though, with the way she's moving against my body, I'm… Done thinking.

"Mmm…" Her fingers are roaming sliding apart the hospital gown.

"Faith." I moan softly, trying to be the voice of reason.

"Don't worry. I'll go slow." And she does, trailing her fingers lightly over my leg, my skin bursts at every touch. Ever so slowly teasing me until I think I might explode. If she stops now, I may lose my mind. She doesn't stop, but I may have lost my mind anyway.

There's a gentle knocking at the door, Faith is wrapped around me again, we're basking in the afterglow of the thing we had agreed we weren't going to do. She quickly moves to cover us with the sheet, before the door inevitably is opened.

"Buffy?"

"Dawn?"

"I'm so glad you're ok!" She says running into the room before realizing what she's walking in on. Her eyes widen, and she covers her face and runs out of the room giggling.

"I guess we better get dressed." Faith sighs but doesn't move to leave the bed.

"I guess so."

Dawn's POV

"OK, so someone could have warned me about that!"

Willow is standing in the hallway laughing at me.

"It's not funny! I'm traumatized now!"

"You said you always knew they were going to get together," Willow tells me, and it's true. I had always known they'd eventually figure out they were stupid for each other. Took them long enough.

"That doesn't mean I wanted to see it. I need to wash my eyeballs."

"Chill out squirt. You didn't see anything." Faith grins at me as she exits the infirmary with Buffy behind her.

"I saw enough! And I'm taller than you!"

"Such a little drama queen," Buffy laughs at me and wraps me in a hug.

"Am not!"

"And still a brat."

"Am not!" I finally get a chance to look at her. There's a pretty good scar across her cheek. I didn't get to see how badly she was hurt. They kept her covered whenever I went in there. It must have been awful to leave that much of a scar.

"I'm so glad to see you, I'm sorry it's been so long." She releases me from the hug and smiles.

She seems so happy, so different than when I last saw her. I don't even remember the last time I saw her smile, now she can't seem to stop. I know almost all of that is because of Faith. Without thinking about it, I attack Faith with a hug. "Thank you," I whisper, she's frozen in my arms, I quickly back away knowing that I probably just freaked her out.

"Is Xander here?" Buffy asks, looking around expectantly.

"Right here, Buff." His voice is quiet, I know how nervous he is about seeing Buffy again, but she lights up as soon as she sees him, running up and hugging him.

"Easy, not a slayer!" He squeals, and she giggles but releases him from the hug.

"Sorry!"

We spend the next few hours reminiscing, I tell her all about school, and she tells me about the craziness of the past few months. She's almost completely like the Buffy I remember before Glory. There is a faint hint of sadness when someone mentions Spike.

"Yeah, I should go check on him," Buffy says frowning.

"Can I come?" They won't let me go see him, they won't even tell me what's happened to him.

"No!" Willow and Faith both shout at once.

"But maybe I can help, he did a lot for me before. I want to help him." Even though I'm an adult now and in college, they still treat me like a little kid.

"Dawn, I know you were close, but Drusilla did something to him. He's not the same, he won't even recognize you." Willow explains.

"Then why do you think Buffy can help him?" I can tell from their looks that not one of them thinks that she can.

Spike's POV

Here come the rats again, rats again. Tra la la. They'll come to chew on my soul, eat it all away. Maybe it will be fire this time. The fire burns so wonderfully, the smells delight. Oh. It's not the rats or the fire. It's the girl, she. The one who will set me free.

Buffy's POV

I can't put this off any longer, I have to see him. I have to try and help him if I can. I head to the basement where he's being kept. Faith had begged me to let her come with me, but I refused. I need to do this alone.

"Spike?" I call softly into the darkness of his cell. He's broken all the lights, the only illumination comes from the small glass window in the door as it closes silently behind me. I wish I'd thought to prop it open.

I can barely stand to look at him. He's naked, huddled in the corner, mumbling to himself about rats. His body is covered in wounds, they don't look random. Someone carved magic symbols into his flesh. I see his torn clothes in the corner, Faith had told me they tried to keep him dressed, but he would just rip anything they put on him off. The stench in the room was unbearable. His flesh was rotting off of him, his wounds leaking multi-colored fluids as they refused to heal.

"What did she do to you?" I gasp, startled at the sound of my voice in this nightmare of a room.

"She? Who she? You she? There is only one she, only Buffy." He begins giggling, curling himself into a tight ball against the wall. The chains on his wrists rattling cruelly.

"What can I do?"

"Set me free. Free free."

What kind of free does he mean? I obviously can't unchain him and let him out of here. Or does he mean I should kill him? Can I do that? Hasn't he suffered enough? Is there anything left in this world for him? It's just as much of a kindness as what I did for Drusilla.

I can't be in here, I turn to leave. "Buffy? Pet? Is that you? Are you real?"

He sounds somewhat lucid, I turn to find him standing fully before me. His naked body is terrifying. It's then that I realize all the markings on his body are only in places he can reach himself. He carved those runes into his own flesh. "I'm so sorry Spike. I didn't know this was going to happen to you."

He frowns at me and begins giggling again. The sound of giggling mixed with the terrible visual of him breaks my heart. I run from the room, tears streaming down my face. Faith is waiting for me at the end of the hall. I let her wrap me in her arms, and I cry, burying my face in her shoulder. "Sssh.. it'll be ok." She tries to comfort me, but there's no point. Nothing about Spike will be ok.

"I have to set him free."

"Let me do it."

"No, it has to be me. It's my fault this happened to him."

"B? No, there's no way this is your fault." She holds my face, looking into my eyes. Wiping away my tears with her thumbs. "Not every horrible thing that happens is your fault."

I want to believe her, but I just can't. If I hadn't closed myself off, maybe Angel wouldn't have lost his soul again, maybe Connor wouldn't have become a vampire, and maybe Spike wouldn't be completely insane. I shake my head sadly. "I have to do this." I see that she had expected this outcome, the Scythe is leaning against the wall.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, I'll be ok. Just please be here when it's done."

"Always." I kiss her gently and release from her warmth. Moving slowly to pick up the Scythe. My Scythe, the weapon that symbolizes everything about the slayer. It feels both heavier and lighter than it should.

This weapon which changed the world. Not just the lives of all the slayers that were called, but everyone their lives touched. Parents, siblings, and friends. An incompressible cascade of consequences, from a decision that I made. Who actually knows what would have happened if we hadn't done it. Did it actually make a difference in our battle with the first? I'm not sure it did. We might have been able to hold them off long enough for Spike's sacrifice even without the extra slayers. We'll never know now.

Spike, he is truly the hero. He sacrificed everything to save the world, and this is his reward? To be tortured, chained up and locked in a cell? To have his end come at the hands of... Of what? His greatest love? His worst enemy? I don't even know what I am to him. We drove each other crazy. He became infatuated with me, and I used him. He propped me up when no one else could be bothered to. I could never give him what he needed.

Now I can though. Now I will set him free.

I re-enter the chamber. He's bowed before me, neck exposed. Forehead almost touching the floor. I want to tell him what a hero he is, how he saved the world, but I won't. He can't hear me anyway. I move to his side and raise the Scythe up, bringing it down as hard as I can. It slices cleanly through him to embed fully in the cold cement. His ashes settle to the ground, and I let the Scythe go, backing away.

I stare at it for a few moments, sticking out of the ground, much like when I first found it. Just like when I killed Connor and almost myself. I hope we can leave it here forever. I hope there is never a reason to take another slayer's power. It might be hard to explain, but I hope I don't have to. I hope they can accept that I'm right about this. That I was always right.

Faith is standing outside as I exit. I fall into her arms, my legs giving out. She crushes me to her and scoops me up in her arms. She carries me through the hallway and up to my room. She places me on the bed and crawls in beside me, holding my head against her chest. Whispering to me, running her fingers through my hair. I continue to sob, not just for Spike, but for everything. For all of the mistakes I made, and anger I held on to.

When I can cry no longer, I finally feel free. I'm ready to be myself again. I fall asleep listening to the sound of her heart beating, knowing that when I wake up, my life is going to begin again. For the first time, I am excited about what the future holds.

Faith's POV

Fuck. What is wrong with me? Why am I so angry that she's upset about killing Spike? Is it because she seems more upset about this than she did about killing Angel? I just don't get it. She's completely mine, I'm sure of it, so why do I care about this vampire who is nothing but ashes now?

"Faith?"

Shit, did I say something out loud? She hadn't been sleeping for very long. I didn't mean to wake her up.

"Why are you so angry?"

"Not angry."

"Not a good liar."

I only moan in response. She sits up and moves to straddle me. Her arms crossed over her chest.

I want to protest, tell her that I'm not upset. It seems pointless now, "I just don't understand your deal with Spike."

"How could you understand it? I never told anyone what happened with him. I was so ashamed of what I did with him, I kept it a secret from everyone. I only told Tara because I thought maybe something was wrong with me, that maybe my soul was broken when I came back."

"I never knew about that." I frown, I wish I had been by her side when she came back. I wish I had been by her side when Glory came so she wouldn't have had to die in the first place.

"I used him, I knew how he felt about me, and I used him." She is staring out the window now. I can see how much this hurts her to talk about. I don't want her to hurt anymore, but I think this is important for both of us. "Did you know he made a sex robot of me?"

"What?"

"He was so desperate to be with me that he had a robot made. It came in handy a few times."

"What!?"

"Not for sex! It helped with Glory and then again when I was dead. Willow taught her to pretend to be me so they wouldn't take Dawn away."

I can't help but laugh at the idea of it, but I see her point. Spike was beyond obsessed with her. She knew it and she took advantage of him.

Her face gets somber, "when I finally came to my senses and pushed him away, he tried to... "

"Tried to what?"

She closes her eyes and shakes her head, "he couldn't accept me pushing him away."

"He tried to rape you! Are you serious?" I'm furious now, trying to sit up, but she pushes me back down.

"It was a long time ago, it doesn't matter now."

"Like hell, it doesn't. How come no one ever told me?"

"I wasn't exactly proud of it, and we needed him to help fight the first. Would you have even cared then?"

"Of course I would have cared! How can you think I wouldn't have cared?" I'm losing control of my anger now. "You let him around all those girls and even Dawn. I don't understand how you could have done that."

"He'd gotten his soul back by then, it's why he got his soul back. He would never have hurt any of them."

"You don't know that." She smiles sadly at me, and I know we're getting off topic. I just can't comprehend how she let an attempted rapist back into her home, let him be around her sister and all those potentials. I'm agitated now and push her off of me, she doesn't fight. Only moves away from the bed facing away from me.

"I know it's impossible to understand, looking back, there's a lot I can't explain."

"I need a minute." I get up and brush past her to leave.

"You don't understand how broken I was then."

"I understand more than you might think. You think it was your fault that he attacked you, you think that somehow you deserved it, and that made it ok. He would never hurt anyone else because it was all about you."

"No.. I…"

"Don't even try it." I rush out of the room before she can say anything else, or maybe before I can. I run up to the roof, I need some air. Suddenly feeling completely closed in and trapped.

"Faith? What are you doing up here?" Red is up here, she still looks completely drained. It's been a long six weeks.

"Just needed some air. You?"

"Same." I move to sit beside her, I don't know why. Even though we've grown closer these past few years, it's hard to forget how things started.

"Why didn't anyone tell me what Spike did?"

"Which thing?"

"What he did.. Tried to do to Buffy."

"It was her story to tell I guess."

"How could you have let him stay in the house with all those girls after that?" She gives me a concerned look.

"He'd gotten his soul back." She shrugs. "You know all the awful things Angelus did, did you ever worry that Angel would hurt anyone?"

"It's not the same." Shit, maybe it is the same. I was in Angelus' mind, I know more about what he did than anyone. I never held any of what he did against Angel, so why am I upset about Spike?

She doesn't call me on it, just looks away. I should probably ask her why she's really up here, but I'm too wrapped up in my own problems right now. "I had no idea what she was doing with Spike. I was supposed to be her best friend, and I had no idea. I got completely lost in my guilt over bringing her back, I couldn't deal with how damaged she was." She sighs and closes her eyes. "When she died, Spike was there every day. He took care of Dawn, he fought demons and kept us all safe. He didn't even have his soul then. That was even before they..." I shudder at the thought of what they did together.

"I just don't get it."

"Maybe it's not for you to get. We've all done things that we can't imagine how we could have done them now." That's for sure, she and I both were almost part of killing everyone we've everyone known. Her method was a little more all inclusive than mine was, but I don't really know what would have happened if the mayor had succeeded.

We're silent for a while. I focus on B's energy, she's still in her room, unmoving. "I better go back. Thank you."

"Faith, she's happier than I've ever seen her. And I knew her when she was an annoyingly perky cheerleader."

I return the room feeling much lighter and sure of myself. She doesn't stir when I enter, curled up in a ball on the bed, facing the window. I slide in behind her and hold her tight.

"You came back."

"I'll always come back." She rolls over to face me.

"Can I tell you the rest?"

I nod, dreading what else there is to tell.

"That night, when I was voted out of slayer club… he found me." I really don't think I want to hear what happened when he found her. "I was ready to give up. I was sure it was over, that there was no chance we could win. He convinced me that I was stronger than I thought I was. He was the reason I found the strength to go get the Scythe, he was the reason I was able to come back home."

"I didn't know," I remember how different she was when returning with the Scythe. Her confidence and determination returned, I always thought it was the weapon that transformed her, turns out it was Spike. It should have been me.

"I never told anyone. I was ashamed that I needed anyone's help, never mind his. Sure he had a soul, but it was still Spike." She sighs deeply and looks at me. "None of this matters now. He's gone."

She's curled against me her head nestled into my neck. I think about all she's said, and I finally figure out what I'm worried about. The thing that had been in the back of my mind all this time, but I wouldn't acknowledge. I hadn't known all of what happened between her and Spike, but I had known she used him, that he loved her and she didn't love him.

"How do you know that you aren't doing the same thing with me that you were with Spike?" She pulls away slightly so she can look into my eyes.

"Because being with you doesn't make me feel dirty, it doesn't make me hate myself. Being with you brings light back into my soul. I'm not ashamed of anything about you or us. I never thought for a moment that I could love Spike, I always knew what I was doing with him was wrong. Everything I feel about you is right."

Ok, that was a good answer.

A/N I'm done with this story for now. I may come back to it eventually. Thanks for reading.


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